Tag Archive | "facebook"

Found: Mummified Remains of Man Waiting for Facebook Comments

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) –The mummified remains of a man waiting for comments to his clever face book post were found last Monday in a basement in Winnetka, Illinois. The desiccated body of Murray Stinsky, who had collected a total of 17 friends and family on Facebook, appeared to have been in his basement for over a year, still sitting upright in front of a dark computer screen.

The body was found after a neighbor became suspicious when Mr. Stinsky’s newspaper subscription ran out, and she didn‘t have anything to read with her coffee on Sunday morning.


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East Texas Couple Kidnaps Baby for Facebook Pictures

Last week, a childless couple in East Texas kidnapped a baby so they could post baby pictures on Facebook. The couple, envious of their friends who are constantly posting pictures of their children on Facebook, grabbed a baby from the local market and immediately began posting pictures of the happy threesome. After 3 days and numerous postings that resulted in a long list of comments, including LMAO and LMFAO and ROFLMFAO, and at least one, “how cute,“ the couple returned the baby to the worried baby’s parents when they realized how expensive it was to keep it alive. Their latest post is their mug shots in the local weekly newspaper.


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Dejected Dubya Shunned and Defriended by Former Cabinet

CRAWFORD, TX (GlossyNews) — Family members say former U.S. President George W. Bush, now bereft of around-the-clock advisors, is having trouble coping with retirement. According to insiders, without his daily briefings Bush is often stumped by life in the real world. They cited several examples, which included a recent call Bush made to former Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice to ask how to work the remote for his new plasma television. Read the full story


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Patrick Kennedy Retires to Spend More Time on Facebook

PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Patrick Joseph Kennedy II, who has represented Rhode Island’s 1st congressional district since 1995, has announced that he will not seek reelection. Mr. Kennedy, 42, has wrestled with alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and drug abuse, both recreational and prescription, since his student days at Rhode Island Community College. Read the full story


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Web-Surfing Chimp Target of Porno Spam

Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively after she had noticed that Charlie took an unusual interest in her computer while she did research. Read the full story


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Horny Goat Weed Sex Romp Homicide Attempt

A Smegmadale-on-Sea woman lured her 94-year old pensioner husband into the dark, deep woods with promises of a wild, drug-fuelled sex romp then slit his throat and left him for dead so she could rendezvous with a cyber-lover she had met on Facebook, according to prosecution evidence presented at Smegmashire Crown Court today.

Nymphella Sodomberg, 19, gave husband Wilf – and herself – mega-doses of the natural aphrodisiac known variously as Horny Goat Weed or Rowdy Lamb Grass, before he was blindfolded and led into the nearby Wankers Wood. Read the full story


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Obama Throws Down Twitter Challenge

New York/Washington Video Cam PR Conference —Today, in a remarkable change of all the GOP’s previous protocols and party planning pow-wows, GOP Head Tit (some say ‘teat’) Rush Limbaugh and Sen. John Boehner aired the first of their many planned video conferences to the public and the mainstream media. Read the full story


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MySpace Facebook Merger? Like. MyFace. Dude.

DownUnder, Australia —This just-leaked domain name logo is the result of a recent unannounced, very, very secret almost-for-sure merger between FaceBook and MySpace and it’s going to be called Like.MyFace.

The use of the word ‘like’ in the domain name is to call special attention to their ownership of the most used word in the English language. The Murdochs say that they will be able to profit even if the word is in a logo with other words. Read the full story


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