Facebook Recalls Former Members

Facebook, now known as Meta, has begun recalling former members who deleted their accounts.

“We felt it was in our best interests to bring them back,” said Facebook/Meta spokesman Tanner Long. “They need to be back in the fold.”

“I deleted my account about a year ago,” said Irene Williams. “I got tired of the toxic crap I saw every day. I thought I was free and clear. Then I got the recall notice.”

“I had no idea they could do this,” said Steve Richards. “This feels like a violation of my rights.”

“Ah yes,” said Facebook’s Tanner Long. “They should have read the terms of service they agreed to when they signed up. “It’s right there – sort of like stop loss in the military.”

“I don’t want to go back,” said recalled member Doug Hollis. “I didn’t like the stuff that was going on, and I got out. Or so I thought.”

Hollis, like millions of other former members, received legal notices requiring them to log back in. 

“They get their friends back,” said Long. “They get to participate in the frank, open discussions of life. They are back in the fold, like one big, happy family!”

“I logged in as per the legal instructions,” said Richards. “It’s the same old crap: misinformation, hate speech, conspiracy theories – all the stuff that drove me out in the first place.”

“Like I said – back in the fold. One big, Meta family,” said Long. “Sooner or later they’ll realize it’s for the best. They’re back, right where they should be in the Metaverse – logged in for life!”

Author: Ryan McPherson

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