Tag Archive | "facebook"

Senator Alexander’s Facebook Falls Victim to Mildly Harassing Comment

Tennessee Senator Lamar Alexander has reportedly suffered a mildly harassing comment on his official Facebook profile.

The offending remark was in response to an article the Senator posted which warned against the dangers of the looming fiscal cliff.

The following is a direct transcription of the comment:

“Dear Senator Alexander,
I just wanted to agree with you that heading toward a fiscal cliff is absolutely terrifying. Unless, of course, you have a fiscal hang glider. Then it would be pretty fiscally radical. Have a nice day.

The actual comment can be found here:


The Extreme Sports League of America’s spokeswoman, Laurie Greatstone, has come out in protest against the remark.

“Fiscal hang gliding is a stupendously dangerous,” announced Ms. Greatstone at a recent press conference called in response to the post, “Dozens of amateurs died during last year’s fiscal cliff debacle. Encouraging others to take part in a sport that takes decades to master by calling it “pretty fiscally radical” is not only stupid, but also criminally irresponsible.”

Asked about the comment, Senator Alexander had this to say:

You damned kids with your newfangled roller blades, and walkmans, and fiscal hang gliders! Get the hell off my porch! (We were standing in the middle of the Capitol rotunda at the time of that quote)

The only known suspect, one Bobby D. Foster, who posted the comment, remains at large. If you have any information that could lead to his capture, please inform the Internet Police immediately.


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Senator Rubio’s Facebook Falls Victim to Mildly Harassing Comment

Freshman U.S. Senator Marco Rubio has reportedly suffered a mildly harassing comment on his official Facebook profile.

The offending remark was in response to an article the Senator posted which claimed, “Rubio slams Obama, Biden on economy.”

The following is a direct transcription of the comment:

“Dear Senator Rubio,

Your speech in Nevada was absolutely ravishing. I loved watching you mercilessly slam Obama and Biden over and over. You gave the president a real mouthful.

You just kept vigorously inserting knock after knock. I remember thinking to myself: how can Rubio possibly take these two guys at the same time? Is his endurance going to hold up? Is he going to get overwhelmed or tired and finish early?

But no! You stayed strong throughout. You lubed up the crowd and really got them to go down on your side. They were screaming for more and more! And you gave it to them. And when you did finally finish, I couldn’t help but burst at the rhetorical coup you just handed the Republicans. Then I fell asleep.”

The actual comment can be found here:


When asked to opine on the matter, Senator Rubio had the following to say:

“My Facebook profile? Really? You guys know I don’t ever check that thing. I get over 100 comments a day.”

Daniel Polanski, Rubio’s part-time social media intern was not as lucky as his boss. He was recently admitted to Georgetown University for near fatal exposure to innuendo.

“The double entendre…” muttered Daniel when I visited in the hospital ward, “It was just…it was just…it just kept coming, you know? All over me. I couldn’t take it all at the same time. It just penetrated so deep…into my soul. But I kept at it because I figured…if I took it out…of context…and went down fast…down the page…then it would end quickly, but it was just…it wouldn’t stop coming! The puns…the insinuation…they just wouldn’t stop!”

Daniel then lapsed into a coma.

The only known suspect, one Bobby D. Foster, who posted the comment, remains at large. When I confronted the chief FBI investigator concerning the slow pace of his investigation, he spilled his whiskey and soda down his bathrobe, let out a high pitched scream, asked me how the hell I’d gotten into his basement den, and promptly threw me out of his house.

If you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Bobby D. Foster, immediately report him to the Internet Police.


Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Is Facebook Life or is Life Facebook?

I’ve been a member of this site called Facebook for a few years now. At first I was pretty enamored with it.

The fascination was fun but has gradually tapered.

I’ve received a few slightly unusual private messages from Facebook in the past but didn’t think much of them until now.

I recently spent eleven days in Tijuana on a volunteer/charity mission. I lead a team of three of my friends in a project aimed at improving the quality of life for many of the prostitutes in Tijuana. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, Internets TubesComments (2)

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (2)

Man Justifies Having Two Facebook Profiles

Documents leaked to Glossy News have revealed that a man, only being identified as Man P, for data privacy reasons, has not one, but two Facebook profiles.

It is unclear how this may have happened, but early examination of the information speculates that Man P set up a profile way back in 2005, when nobody cared about booking his or her faces permanently on the Internet.

It would then seem that Man P re-registered with a ‘work e-mail’ in 2009 after nothing happened on his 2005 account, as it doesn’t even have a photo or the timeline. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (1)

Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are

After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness.

Doctors always remained hopeful of his recovery, as hi-tech scans showed as recently as last month that his brain continued to function almost completely normal. Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, SocietyComments (5)

Statusbook Saves Facebookers Time by Forcing “Like” Updates

MISSOULA, MT—A new website has made it even easier for Facebook members to update their status through a rating system that allows members to test their updates before posting them.

Members who are too brain dead from lurking on the pages of ex-girlfriends or watching Youtube videos of raccoons giving hugs can also go to Statusbook to get ideas for status updates, or simply copy and paste updates that have already been rated. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Internets TubesComments (0)

Facebook Status Wonders What an Update Has To Do To Get “Liked” Around Here?


Posted in Making HeadlinesComments (0)

The Role of Facebook and Twitter in History’s Revolutions

There’s been a lot of debate recently over the role social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter played in the recent Egyptian uprising, however very little has been mentioned of their importance in history’s other great revolutions.

This report chronicles the significant contributions social media sites have played in helping to foment past rebellions throughout the world. But before we begin, it’s important to note that this list highlights only a few of the more famous examples, and is by no means comprehensive of the Web 2.0’s vast historical influence. Read the full story


Posted in Science & TechnologizzyComments (3)

Sundance Darling Catfish Thrilling, Suspenseful, and an Obvious Hoax

The 2010 surprise Sundance hit was a film called Catfish, a tale of an internet relationship gone horrible sideways. Apparently the name “Sideways” was already taken, and since the producers didn’t want to just declare it an outright hoax, they named it after a bottom-feeder, since that ugly moniker was somehow also perfectly fitting.

So it’s a good film, and one worth watching… did I get that out of the way? Okay good. Now here’s the rest of the story… Read the full story


Posted in Talky PicturesComments (2)

Shocking Truth Behind Highest Level Religious Moves Towards Social Media

THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, ReligionismComments (2)

Time’s POTY 2010

SILICON VALLEY — Facebook, the third largest country on planet earth, eclipsed a sizeable number of groups and became TIME‘s Person of the Year–2010.

Well, ok, ok —the site didn’t technically win, but its owner, Zuckerberg did win. And that gives the world’s newly honored ‘F’ word its 800# gorilla world status. Or whatever the 600+ million person equivalent weight of this gorilla is. Read the full story


Posted in Top StoriesComments (0)

Facebroker Replaces Facebook in Somalia

MOGADISHU, Somalia – High seas pirates tired of battling high seas and all those US and French Naval ships have decided to become landlubbers again and do what their fellow continental Nigerians are doing, scamming people from solid ground.

They’ve opened a new operation entitled Facebroker whereby they steal the identities of people on Facebook and sell them to people who don’t have identities on Facebook so that they can be identified on Facebook as someone other than themselves. Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, World NewsComments (0)

Collective Human Intelligence in Danger Due to Internet

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (GlossyNews) — Scientists in Stockholm are just now concluding a 5-year long research project designed to determine whether or not mainstream consciousness is finally overpowering mindless consciousness and endangering the world we live in to such a degree that we may find ourselves staring down the real Apocalypse of 2012.

Some of the findings are startling. From the “don’t worry your bottom dollar about it” scenario to “holy shit, we have a crisis on our hands” [our words not theirs], the report is poised to set the social networking world on its head. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, Internets TubesComments (0)

Man Collapsed on Sidewalk Ignored by Over 200 Facebook Friends

Harry Salimi, a 52 year old New York resident, was walking his dog in a busy thoroughfare on Wednesday morning, when a sudden dizzy spell and radiating pains from his right hand sent him sprawling to the ground in a dramatic and outrageous fashion after making two brief stops on the way down: one at the side of a public water fountain and another at a half-full garbage bin. For twenty minutes, Mr. Salimi lay motionless on the ground, leaving his Cocker Spaniel mix with nothing to do but look mournfully at passers by. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (1)

Some Other Things You Didn’t Know Facebook Could Do

INTERWEBS, Cyberspace (GlossyNews) — It has recently come to the attention of many Facebook users that there are things going on by Facebook management that (1) they didn’t authorize; and (2) they don’t really care about as long as they can post their most intimate secrets on their “walls.”

Some users though are realizing that they don’t really want the hassle of trying to figure out what it is that Facebook is doing behind their backs with their accounts, and millions are taking down their sites. Read the full story


Posted in TechnologyComments (0)

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