Search Results for: cnn
Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too”
Not to be shown up in this year’s NFL’s draft, Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football has announced that he’s gay too. After the media frenzy over the St. Louis Rams drafting the first openly gay football player Michael Sam, Manziel…
Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings
Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities….
Donald Sterling Banned For Life From Every Organization With Initials
Chicago – Not only has embattled owner of the LA Clippers basketball team, Donald Sterling, been banned for life from the NBA for his racist remarks, but virtually every other organization in America that is widely known by their initials…
Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station
Mere days after sobering up from an embarrassing appearance at the Golden Globe awards, Sean “Bo Diddley” Combs along with MTV VP Andy “Boom Shak-A-Lack-A” Schon have put together a revolutionary new channel called Revolt, geared at music fans. Revolt…
Ann Romney Accidentally Leaves Husband Mitt at Gas Station
A preview released by Netflix last week on its upcoming documentary Mitt shows the robotic Presidential candidate appearing human. While it may be somewhat of a stretch for most to believe, it is important to note that Mitt Romney did…
Robopundit Alex Castellanos Soft Sells Republican Anarchism
Dateline: PALO ALTO—Robotics Corp, a Fortune 500 company, treated reporters to a behind-the-scenes look at the manufacturing of their pre-programmed artificial persons for use in selling conservative policies in the United States. The featured model is called the Alex Castellanos,…
Toy Mandibles Empower Weak-Jawed Masses
Dateline: LOS ANGELES—There’s a hot new product that’s flying off the shelves. It’s called Gravitas Jaws and it consists of a crude plastic mandible bone that’s worn over your lower jaw like a beard, except that this piece of plastic…
Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City
INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis. Pulling in thousands of football fans from the…
GOP Right, We Do Need to Slash Military, Raise Taxes
As the Republican shutdown enters its 11th day, the GOP has failed to waiver from their insincere talking points about fiscal responsibility. But they’re right. We have to cut the deficit and reduce the debt, and the best way to…
Make No Mistake, This is a Republican Shutdown
Make No Mistake, This is a Republican Shutdown FOX News and conservative radio like to make out the issue as “both sides are to blame,” or more commonly just casting blame solely on the Democrats, but that’s just not true….