Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station

Mere days after sobering up from an embarrassing appearance at the Golden Globe awards, Sean “Bo Diddley” Combs along with MTV VP Andy “Boom Shak-A-Lack-A” Schon have put together a revolutionary new channel called Revolt, geared at music fans.

Revolt revolves around music videos, live performances and social media to encourage an on-going conversation with an imaginary audience.

Revolt Live launches Monday, Jan. 27, airing daily at both 5 p.m. ET and 8 p.m. ET. In anticipation of the premier of the show, Combs announced that he will change his middle name every 15 minutes until the show is number one. “It may not help with the ratings, but it sure keeps the process servers away,” chuckled Sean “Diddy Dynasty” Combs.

Hosting this drunken blur are MC Sib Vicious and DJ Damage, former muscle for bookies who are excited about a job that doesn’t entail use of tire irons. “We like talking to people who don’t cower in fear,” said Vicious, praising the social media format. “Plus there’s free vodka!”

DJ Damage added, “Revolt Live is a place where anything and everything can and will happen, especially if you own us money!” Schon revealed that “Revolt” is really a music program but went on to compare it to NBC’s morning program “Today” which should turn off anyone still mildly interested in this revolting piece of programming. Schon also added that Revolt is hoping to be “the CNN of music,” which means the station will repeat the same songs over and over again for a complete hour.

While many view this as simply a subversive platform for Sean ”The Duke of Diddy” Combs to break out his own music, others are less skeptical, suggesting it might become a springboard for smaller artists.

Technically, however, after the cold shoulder the former Puff Daddy Doo Dah Day received from U2’s Bono at the Golden Globes, Sean “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” Combs actually fits the “small artist” category, himself. The former architect of the 2004 Vote or Die campaign is now known for little else other than vodka and…vodka.

The upstart music network will also feature a morning program called “The Breakfast Club” live from New York, where Sean “Down Diddy Doo Down Down” Combs sobers up and tries to eat breakfast while he laments losing J. Lo more than a decade ago.

A clip from a future show features “Zip-a-Dee Doo Dah Diddy” musing about being able to write J. Lo’s ass off his taxes as office space. His first guest on the show is scheduled to be Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr., formerly Snoop Doggy Dogg, formerly Snoop Dogg, currently Snoop Lion covering the Katy Perry hit, “Roar”. And you won’t want to miss that.

Author: Kilroy

Deceased and recently reanimated writer haunting websites worldwide. The Afterlife has no cable TV so I initially came back as one of the Writing Dead on the Internet. But you can literally starve looking for brains to eat on some sites. Lost and disillusioned in the Netherworld, I wandered in limbo looking for meaningful work. I worked on Bernie Sander's campaign as a ghost writer until I was approached by The Sith and reanimated as a Sith Writer. Sure they could use a better dental plan but I 'm back, in black, and dressed for Sithcess.

7 thoughts on “Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station

  1. Lipid building is an entirely different competition. Still not sure where the street cred Diddy has came from. He was an upper middle class kid who suddenly had the aura of “Gangsta turned typhoon”. I mean “tycoon”. The other one is just a bunch of wind.

  2. Diddy did a cameo on "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" where he played a bass-playing gardener. It was obvious from watching it that he didn't even know how to play bass. BASS! Becoming passable at bass takes a person maybe a month (or a week, depending on natural talents.)

    This guy is not a musician, he's a rapper and a businessman. Very talented in those regards, but to call him a musician is like calling me a body builder. What? Come on, I build lipids, doesn't that count?

  3. I remember Bo Diddley.
    He was that big black guy who always wore a different sorta cowboy hat and had a square guitar.
    As you see I do keep up with the times all these modern punk-ass singers.

  4. NOTE: If there are Ciroc vodka fans who are also Glossynews fans who feel insulted by the above remark, allow me to clarify that vodka made from grapes is just not my thing. In fact, vodka is not my thing given the complex flavors of bourbon make something like vodka taste like water.

    If this remark has insulted vodka fans who are also Glossynews fans, allow me to clarify that I don’t usually drink vodka, but when I do, I drink Stolichnaya.

    If this remark has insulted fans of the Russian vodka boycott stemming from Putin’s internal politics who also happen to be Glossynews fans…I’ll find some way to blame rfreed for this.

  5. Quality control testing his vodka for the perfect balance of alcohol content and relative lack of any flavor to speak of takes time, Beckert. Did Diddy do due diligence? Over and over and over again.

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