Succession and Secession Causing Palin Major Confusion
HOUSTON, TX — Sarah Palin, speaking a few weeks ago at a rally for Rick Perry, referred to news about Texans wanting to secede from the union by saying, “They got that wrong. Texas today, I don’t think they’re seceding,…
Dejected Dubya Shunned and Defriended by Former Cabinet
CRAWFORD, TX (GlossyNews) — Family members say former U.S. President George W. Bush, now bereft of around-the-clock advisors, is having trouble coping with retirement. According to insiders, without his daily briefings Bush is often stumped by life in the real…
Did SeaWorld Trainer Dawn Brancheau Commit Suicide?
ORLANDO, FL – As SeaWorld prepares to reintroduce its “Dancing with Killer Whales” program this weekend, rumors have begun rising, like tiny bubbles of blood to the surface of the water, regarding the mind set of orca trainer Dawn Brancheau,…
Glenn Beck Credits Himself for Predicting Recent Wave of Violence
Pahrump, NV In one of his many “I told you so” moments, Glenn Beck has commented that he is the first one to tell his viewers that violence against the US government by fed up citizens was going to start…
Bill O’Reilly Welcomes Conan O’Brien To FOX
LOS ANGELES, CA (GlossyNews) — Bill O’Reilly, whom Jon Stewart recently praised as FOX network’s “voice of reason,” welcomed former NBC talk show host Conan O’Brien to FOX last night. In a pre-recorded segment that aired during The O’Reilly Factor,…
Discount Abortion Coupons Threaten to Sink Health Care Bill
Washington D. C. (GlossyNews) — President Barack Obama’s purposed Health Care overhaul has encountered a new series of setbacks, after both Democrats and Republicans introduced additional provisions sure to tie the bill up in debate for some time to come.
Sarah Palin Wants to Lead the NAACP
Baltimore, MD (GlossyNews) — The Membership Council of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) announced this morning that they were reviewing an application for membership from Sarah Louise Palin. Only two hours later, Mrs Palin held…
Lil’ Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery
NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request…
Real Estate Developer Creating Island Paradise from Garbage
PACIFIC OCEAN, 135° to 155°W (GlossyNews) — Entrepreneurs worldwide are being lured by the siren call of opportunity rising from the Pacific. The middle of the Pacific Ocean, that is. The multinational realty conglomerate, Glutton Realty, has purchased the vortex…
Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator
WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will…