Lil’ Wayne Sentencing Postponed for Hemorrhoid Surgery

NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request for a postponement because Lil’ Wayne needed eight root canals and complex dental-implant work. This time the rapper is seeking three weeks’ grace before he begins serving a year in prison, because, his attorney revealed, he needs hemorrhoid surgery.

“This is a delicate situation, your honor,” said Wayne’s attorney Max Freeland in a court appearance this morning. “My client cannot be exposed to the rigors of prison sex when he’s got hemorrhoids the size of marbles.”

Stifling a smile, Judge Solomon replied, “We can’t afford to postpone your client’s sentencing repeatedly while he arranges for a complete makeover. This is prison, not Nip/Tuck.”

Nevertheless, the judge agreed to allow Lil’ Wayne three weeks to have his hemorrhoids removed. The judge warned, however, that “your client will begin serving his sentence on March 23. So don’t be coming back in here saying Mr. Wayne needs extra time because he’s planning a sex-change operation.”

Author: Phil Maggitti

Phil Maggitti is a freelance writer and editor living in a world of virtual reality with his wife, two pug dogs, a Boston terrier, four cats, and a constant supply of gummy worms. His virtual address is