French Destroyer Surrenders to Somali Pirates
Paris (GlossyNews) — The French Ministry of Defense this morning announced that a French Navy destroyer, the FS Ouragan (Hurricane), surrendered to Somali pirates after a small outboard motor powered speed boat came alongside and fired a pistol towards the…
Tiger Woods Dropped By Gatorade – Threatens To Leave U.S.
BARRINGTON, IL (GlossyNews) –Tiger Woods has threatened to leave the United States if Gatorade’s decision makers do not bend over backward, swallow their pride and reinstate their sponsorship. Sources close to Woods confirmed that the troubled golfer will leave the…
Old Man Potter Saves Bedford Falls from Subprime Lender, Bailey
BEDFORD FALLS, IN (GlossyNews) — Five more financial institutions were closed this week by federal regulators, bringing the total number of U.S. failed banks this year to 140, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation said. OneWest Bank was the first casualty…
Book Excerpt – Chicken Butt; The Story of a Man (3 of 4)
(Book Excerpt) As I’ve mentioned many a time before, Chicken Butt, though he was a chicken, wasn’t an ordinary chicken. When he was entering adolescence he heard many ideas of what it meant to be a man, and, as most of us know, most of them revolve around sex.
Subsidi-Farm Granted USDA Contract to Develop Seedless Pot
Washington, D.C. – In what was hailed as a “good news, bad news” story today out of Washington, Subsidi-Farm, one of the nation’s largest agricultural companies, has been granted a federal contract to develop seedless, irradiated pot, which, among other…
Same-Sex Marriage Now Legal in Washington, DC
Half of Congress already reported to have applied for licenses.
Chileans Worried They Won’t Get as Much Attention as Haiti
“In the news, they said the quake might have moved the earth a bit form its axis thus affecting the length of day. I hate it when that happens,” said a Chilean beach goer.
Dispute Over Persian Gulf Naming Rights Leads to Name Calling
TEHRAN, Iran (GlossyNews) — Airlines refusing to call the waterway between Iran and the Arabian peninsula the ‘Persian Gulf’ will be banned from Iranian airspace, the transport minister told local media. The warning was directed toward air carriers in neighboring…
CNN President Throws Tantrum After Wasting Millions on Bogus Tsunami Coverage
HILO, HI (GlossyNews) — When civil defense sirens roused Hawaiians from sleep on Saturday morning, the threat of a potentially destructive tsunami was on its way. In an impressive response, Hawaii’s scientists, government officials, first-responders and citizens showed exemplary calm…
McCain’s Centerfold Will Pistol Whip the Competition
PHOENIX, AZ — Former Faux-Con presidential candidate and current Senator John McCain is running scared in his home state these days against a teabagger-type radio talkshow host who boasts of his plans to put Senator McCain down! “Nothin’ doin’! This…