U.S. Congressional Approval Falls Below 0%
The U.S. House of Representatives recently held a hearing concerning the revelation that Congress’ approval rating hit the unprecedented low of -0.4%. The following is a transcript of that hearing. CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATING FALLS BELOW 0% 2012 HEARING BEFORE THE…
Housewives Ruin Dinner and the Economy
Housewives forgetting vital ingredients for dinner are costing supermarket chains and the world economy billions of dollars every year. A new study released today has revealed a damaging portrayal of housewives and how they are single-handedly ruining the world economy.
Greek Economic Collapse Could Have Knock-On Effect for Other Not-America Countries
ATHENS, GREECE – As votes continue to be counted in the Greek general election, worries continue to mount that the fallout from the country’s potential economic collapse could have a knock-on effect for many other not-America countries. Should Greece fail…
Aerial Drones Surveil for Trash in Miami… Hey Look, The Olympics
Viewer interest in Olympic skeet shooting soared among Miami Beach residents following the recent passage of a city ordinance mandating recycling monitored by remote-controlled drones. Aerial drones the size of dragonflies fly neighborhood reconnaissance patterns to scan microchips embedded within…
11 New Slogans for the Mitt Romney Campaign
The Romney campaign has been struggling to find their “bumper-sticker” moment, but they’ve been working hard towards that end. What follows is ten of their best new slogans for this 2012 election. Here’s hoping Romney wins, am I right? Top…
Cowardly Lion Refuses to Return Medal Following Steroid Accusation
(AP-OZ)–The Cowardly Lion, who gained worldwide fame for a rescuing a Kansas teen from The Wicked Witch, has allegedly tested positive for anabolic steroids and a Human Growth Hormone known as LGH. A spokesman for the Wizard of Oz told…
YouTube Sensation Checks Into Rehab… Meow
Celebrity seeks help after trashing hotel room in catnip-fueled rampage LOS ANGELES – The pressures of fame appear to have claimed yet another celebrity victim today, as one of the Internet’s most beloved stars checked in for treatment at Hollywood’s…
Mob Bosses Fear Liam Neeson-Style Dad
With the second ‘Taken’ documentary set to hit cinemas worldwide this autumn it has emerged that mob bosses and various crime syndicates, especially those within the human trafficking trade, are fearing Liam Neeson-style dad attacks. The documentary, which follows Mr Neeson as he tries…
U.S. Raises Gaffe Threat Level to Orange, As Romney Returns From Abroad
WASHINGTON – The U.S. Federal Election Commission today warned Americans of what it termed “an increased possibility of a major verbal gaffe taking place on U.S. soil within the coming days.” The F.E.C. issued its warning after its analysts detected…
Report: Team USA Outsourcing 30% of Its Medals to China
LONDON – Reaching a mutual agreement with overseas executives Tuesday, The United States Olympic Committee has thrashed out a deal that will see 30% of Team USA’s Olympic medals outsourced to China. The deal was first brought into the public…