Housewives Ruin Dinner and the Economy

Housewives forgetting vital ingredients for dinner are costing supermarket chains and the world economy billions of dollars every year. A new study released today has revealed a damaging portrayal of housewives and how they are single-handedly ruining the world economy.

Millions of women venture out of their homes everyday to make purchases directly related to that evenings dinner, only to go into the stores and shops and forget what they had actually went into buy.

The study, carried out by Food Marketing ‘R’ Us entitled ‘They Can Forget Groceries But Not That One Night With The Office Temp’, found that 90% of the women surveyed had not bought the item needed for the evening meal’s recipe.

The loss of profits is concerning for the companies, a press release from Wal-Mart stated that although these housewives buy more then they intended to Wal-Mart would have greater profits if they also bought the items they forgot.

David Linshaw, the co-author of the study, said that this is having an enormous impact on the stores and wider economy; “I was shocked at the results. [We] had hunch about housewives being the cause of all this financial mess but to see it there in the raw data, it just hit me real hard.” He went on to say that “…once we had realised the problem we calculated all the lost potential sales if every housewife had actually bought the items they forgot. The number was in the trillions!

If this money was here now we could have bailed out more banks and given more bonuses to the people who really need them. This in turn would have meant that the banks could have carried on lending as they were.” When asked about the motive of the housewives Linshaw is convinced it is an ill-advised ploy to get husbands back home to help out with house work as unemployment is an inevitable consequence of financial meltdown.

Sally, a spokesperson for housewives, said that she found the very notion silly. “Why the f**k would we want our partners hanging around the house all day? Get to work and pay your f**king way.” On forgetting food items she replied “I forget things because I drink.”

In the study the top three items forgotten items were bacon, paprika and red wine vinegar.


One comment on “Housewives Ruin Dinner and the Economy

  1. But then they buy more gas to drive back and get what they forgot, which stimulates the economy. And they have a second chance to stand in line and consider purchasing magazines and gum. It also drives husbands to drink more, which means more sales and more sin-taxes. It’s all a win-win for the economy, I think.

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