Posted in Internets Tubes Politics Science

Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse

In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse. At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse
Posted in Education

2015 Advice for Graduating Students

I’d been working as an administrative assistant at an Ivy League university for about a year when my boss, the school’s marketing director, asked me to compile a list of inspirational quotes for the graduating class. I dutifully sent a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2015 Advice for Graduating Students
Posted in Politics

Tea Party Raptured, Republican Leadership Abandons Christianity

GlossyNews.com – Every member of the Tea Party, Tea Party Patriots, National Tea Party Federation, Nationwide Tea Part Coalition and the People’s Front of Judea has disappeared without a trace. Incidentally, sources in the Horn of Africa have reported the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tea Party Raptured, Republican Leadership Abandons Christianity
Posted in Politics

LEAK: Paul Ryan Already Signed to Do Playgirl

GlossyNews.com – Before the dust can even settle in the 2012 presidential election, TMZ has received word that vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan has inked a 7-figure deal to shoot a full spread in Playgirl Magazine. Robert Benson, an official…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! LEAK: Paul Ryan Already Signed to Do Playgirl
Posted in Politics

Romney/Ryan Official Victory Anthem Leaked: It’s Crickets

GlossyNews.com – I recently had the opportunity to sit down with the Head of the International Cricket Council, Sir Edward Crowley, to speak about why the ICC had chosen Governor Mitt Romney as its new official mascot, and why he…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Romney/Ryan Official Victory Anthem Leaked: It’s Crickets
Posted in Politics

Launch of a Campaign to Mildly Harass Congress

So, a little while ago, I wrote this little ditty about how Congress’ approval rating had fallen below 0%. It was born mostly out of frustration with our political leaders’ absolute inability to do anything other than name post offices….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Launch of a Campaign to Mildly Harass Congress
Posted in Music

Exclusive Interview with Kanye West

I recently had the opportunity to sit down and speak with one of the most popular and successful hip-hop artists of our time: Mr. Kanye West. The following is a transcript of our interview. BDF: Good morning. It’s truly an…

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial Society

Top 10 Things You Will Find on Every Top 10 List

1. Numbers. Ten of them, actually. Maybe Roman, most likely Arabic. 2. Letters. Possibly formulated into words. Whether or not those words are cogent or in the right order is completely up in the air. 3. Links to other Top…

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Posted in Politics

U.S. Congress Sets Fixed Price on Free Speech

A bill explicitly stating that American citizens will be allocated 1 second of free speech for every $10,000 they make a year has made its way through the Senate subcommittee process. The following is the official transcript of the final…

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Posted in Politics

U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse

The Senate unexpectedly and unintentionally bursts into verse this morning as the legislators were conducting their routine opening procedures. The following is the official Congressional transcript of this incident. CONGRESSIONAL RECORD PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse
Posted in Politics

U.S. Congressional Approval Falls Below 0%

The U.S. House of Representatives recently held a hearing concerning the revelation that Congress’ approval rating hit the unprecedented low of -0.4%. The following is a transcript of that hearing. CONGRESSIONAL APPROVAL RATING FALLS BELOW 0% 2012 HEARING BEFORE THE…

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Posted in Politics

U.S. House of Representatives Votes to Abolish Satire

The United States House of Representatives has recently conducted a bipartisan vote to abolish all forms of satire within the country in a move clearly designed to belie the widely held notion that Congress is the place where good ideas…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! U.S. House of Representatives Votes to Abolish Satire