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Mob Bosses Fear Liam Neeson-Style Dad

Mob Bosses Fear Liam Neeson-Style Dad

With the second ‘Taken’ documentary set to hit cinemas worldwide this autumn it has emerged that mob bosses and various crime syndicates, especially those within the human trafficking trade, are fearing Liam Neeson-style dad attacks.

The documentary, which follows Mr Neeson as he tries to get his daughter back after she is taken in Paris, shows Albanian bad-guys getting their asses kicked left, right and centre. The ease at which Mr Neeson is able to infiltrate the crime ring has sparked fears in the illegal sex trade industry that copycat dads may follow.

Marco, not his real name, told us that the industry is suffering because of this documentary, and he is worried about his job security.

“I work many hours for many year, this is my trade, but now I see fear. My colleges are too afraid to snatch the pretty American girl because in two days they might be dead. One guy I know just went missing 3 moths ago after taking a girl, another said a dad ‘picked him up with his man powers and shook him like a dog.'”

The implications for the industry as a whole could be devastating. Mr Y, as he prefers to be known, worked as a spotter for a human trafficking ring in Portugal, Y said that intake is down “…some of them don’t survive the addiction processing so when your numbers are down it can really affect street trade and rates which has a knock on effect to the illegal DVD sales, which I am sure the public have noticed.”

“When I walk past a dad with a child, I flinch in fear, knowing their capabilities. I feel as though they know who I am already and what my job is,” said a panicked Jamal, who is desperately trying to find a new job. “You live in fear wondering when he is gonna come? I normally oversee the prostitution of 10 girls, but at the moment it is 6. Every man who stops for them I worry that it may be their father. Everyone else in the business is the same, looking over their shoulder all the time, that’s no way to live.”

It’s not all bad news says Morel, an executive at a syndicate just outside Paris where the documentary was set.

The black market FTSE 100 showed a small dip in profits at the end of trading last week but has now levelled out.

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10 Responses to “Mob Bosses Fear Liam Neeson-Style Dad”

  1. P. Beckert says:

    Not funny in the least. Even from a satirical standpoint, using the subject of child sex trafficking to get a yuck or two is distasteful. You think it’s so funny? Watch this

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwAhti93QYU&feature=related

    Some subjects are taboo. I would assume you don’t have children because if you did, this story never would have been written.

    The only good thing this article did was allow me to remind everyone how despicable human trafficking is.

  2. Bee says:

    I am really sorry that you are offended.

    In the real world I don’t find human trafficking funny at all but this is a satirical comedy website where the articles are obviously fake with taboo subjects often providing the greatest comedy.

    I feel that it is wrong of you to judge me against actual serious issues based on a piece of satire.

    I also feel that it is wrong of you to presume about my family status, why do I have to have children to understand and empathies with the pain of others suffering the effects of human trafficking?

    FYI I do have a young son and care for my three younger sisters.

    Your criticisms are irrelevant.

  3. P. Beckert says:

    Somehow I don’t think you are really sorry at all, so save your apologies. I am entitled to my opinion. Even satire has its limits. Girls as young as 2 years old are being raped and you’re worried about mob bosses making quota.

    And, my criticisms are only irrelevant if I don’t stand up for what I believe is offensive content. The story was published. Bask in the glory.

  4. Bee says:

    I am not sorry about the article, I never said that. I am sorry for you; you did not get the joke and are offended by it.

    This is a satire, spoof article, meaning it is not real. It is fake news. I did not actually meet/interview any mobsters. It is not real news.

    You seem to be very confused by this concept as you claim that I am “…worried about mob bosses making a quota”.

    Seriously, just think it through Ms Beckert, nice and slowly.

  5. P. Beckert says:

    I have thought it through. I think you are a condescending bitch who doesn’t deserve any more of my time. Sorry Brian. I don’t have to take this crap. I’m outie. And yes, I know the routine. I started it. I admit it. So, I’ll just go elsewhere. I said my piece and I guess no one else feels this way. What a shame we’ve come to this. And we wonder why the world is such a shitty place to live.

  6. Rachel says:

    Firstly I’d like to comment and say. I found this article rather funny. One of those shouldn’t laugh but I did. I feel laughing at all the issues going on in the world can help us to cope. I feel no malice in anyway is caused. I have a very warped sense of humour at times yet I am one of the most empathetic and caring people you could meet.

    @Ms Beckert… my suggestion to you would be you have no place on a site like this. I don’t understand people like you at all. You’ve come on a site which is going to likely offend you… WHY? Then start commenting so offensively. It’s like you going on a hate group on facebook for example and kicking off. Leave her be to write what she wishes. That’s the whole point of this site. You actually just look foolish in my opinion. And then to swear at a person and make out she can’t be a loving Mother due to having a sense of humour. PATHETIC. You’re just looking for an excuse to vent.

    I hope the person who wrote this doesn’t feel in anyway bad for having a sense of humour. Don’t allow small minded people to take that from you… as I’m sure you won’t but still. :)

  7. P. Beckert says:

    I won’t apologize for my reaction to this article. I especially won’t apologize for responding to someone talking to me in such a condescending way especially when I’ve don’e what I could to help her along on this site.

    There are other parts of that story that were not published, but I won’t go there. Perhaps had the complete story been published, it may have made a difference, but I fear not.

    You don’t know me Rachel, but actually, I was one of the editors on this site until now. You are correct. I have no place on a site like this. I have moved on. I would like to think I have a wonderful sense of humor. I also think that there are so many other subjects that could be written about besides the rape of little children. We all have to decide what our limit is when it comes to satire. I reached mine with this article and would feel even worse had I not commented. So I commented, I am not in the majority, and while that disappoints me, I can accept it.

    I’m going to take a wild stab and say that you and Bee and some of the others here are younger than I. Maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe all the messy details of some of the most heinous crimes I’ve seen in my lifetime serendipitously splashed across the airwaves has desensitized our society to the point that we actually believe making fun of the rape of little children is somehow ok. I’m gonna pass on that kind of humor as I am passing on thinking it is ok to kill Muslims, call our President a monkey, and other offensive subjects (offensive to me personally).

    But thank you so much for your input.

    Bee, I apologize if you took my criticisms as an attack on you as a writer. I was merely attacking the subject matter of your story. Obviously, that was a huge mistake, but lesson learned.

  8. Rachel says:

    I respect you’re sticking to your point but have altered your deliverance. Had this been put on facebook I’d have been unimpressed to a degree as that can be offensive as no person has a real warning the content could be offensive. However this was published on a site where some offensive satire is published ie some seek and enjoy such material.

    I must also add… that age doesn’t always have much relevance as far as to what you’ve seen etc. If anything that’s a tad ageist. I personally have had a very dark life and I’m 26. Plagued with unspoken things that many people double my age haven’t even been through half of it. So with all due respect try not to assume. And actually humour got me through life. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons why I’m still breathing now and why I didn’t top myself years ago. Not many knew of my past nor knew what I was living through. I was the joker to the outside world and still am. As hard as that might be to understand for some. Laughing at things that are tragic can actually be healing. Might sound warped but we all have our ways of dealing with things and mine has saved my life.

    I totally respect you are sensitive to the subject, however again this is a site to write as you please and joke about taboo issues. You’ve purposely looked at something knowing it’d offend you. Why do that to yourself? So being offended is nobodies fault but your own as you put yourself in the situation intentionally. I wish you a happy life away from negativity that upsets you. That is all :)

  9. Kilroy says:

    At first, I didn’t read it just from the intro. After seeing all the comments, I read it and thought the joke premiums weren’t big enough to cover the offense factor. And I’m not even sensitive, just counting the laughs. But this happens: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/onion-sears-plane-willis-tower-facebook-chicago-165320530.html

  10. rfreed says:

    If you weigh the nauseating factor of the article against the humor factor I’d say the nauseating factor wins out. Its a bit like the old National Lampoon which could have brilliant, imaginative stuff but you also had to slog through some pretty sick stuff too.

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