TAIZZ, YEMEN- A suicide bomber was inspired to carry out acts of in excusable violence after the TLC affiliate in Yemen carried an episode of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.
Il-Sha’if Musaad is a 27 year old engineering grad student who never necessarily saw himself as a terrorist.
In an interview, taped in the Yemen rural countryside on a hand held camera, Il-Sha’if said “I never really thought this would be a proper vocation for me. Actually, I thought I might some day live in America and enjoy the incalculable wealth every one hates. That is, until I saw this blasphemous filth.”
Those closest to Il-Sha’if said he was never one to be religious, let alone an extremist.
“He observed the high holidays, but that was about the only time he ever went to the Mosque,” Explains his mother. “He was always such an analytical and scientific person, and never kept any company that would seem too extreme.”
The general consensus of those closest to him seem to all paint the picture of an even keeled moderate who praised logic and reason above all else.
“It is not just the one show starring that fat family parading their food wealth so prominently,” explains Il-Sha’if in his taped interview. “The only thing i have learned from The Learning Chanel is the unadulterated decadence of the Great Satan.”
“Hoarders does nothing but prove just how evil consumerism is. They literally bury themselves in the cheap things they buy from all over the world. Intervention is a program that shows just how board they are from not having to survive, that they kill themselves with their favorite pass time. Then their family has to convince them not to. It’s so mind blowing, I plan on blowing myself up to ensure I don’t have to share the same Big World with these people.”
Although the tape did not go in to great detail as to the exact plans of the suicide bombing, investigation indicates that key landmarks in McIntyre, Georgia have been implicated in terrorist correspondence.