Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery
Eleven-year-old Olivia Miller of Gopher’s Gulch, Nebraska recently underwent delicate eye-reduction surgery in order to save her life. “We are all so grateful,” said Olivia’s mother. “For years, her eyes were bigger than her stomach and she insisted on putting…
CIA Internal Advisory: Secure Communications Guidelines
Dear colleagues, In light of recent developments, we would like to advise all agency personnel about the use of certain communications channels and processes which may not be sufficiently secure. Please pay attention to the new guidelines below. 1. Don’t…
Russia Press Reports UFO Debris Found In Siberian Forest
Otradnensky, Siberia – (SatireWorld.com) The 6-foot wide metal cylinder partially made of titanium steel was found near Otradnensky, a village two thousand miles from Moscow. Locals have labeled it as space junk, a UFO fragment, or the fuel tank of…
Glossy News Scoop: First Ever Interview w/ the One and only James Bond
Glossy News has succeeded in scoring the first ever interview with that icon of masculinity and daring do, that virile epitome of super secret spydom, that name that causes gorgeous women’s inner plumbing to contract in excited anticipation, the one,…
Marriage Tip: When Black Friday Shopping, Avoid Impulse Purchases
It started out innocently enough. My wife asked me to go to Costco because we were low on shampoo. Perhaps I should not have gone on Black Friday, when Costco had everything on sale. The second I breached the entrance…
Black Friday Leads To ‘Gotta Throw a Lot of Crap Out Yellow Tuesday’
The intense focus on post Thanksgiving retail selling initiated by Black Friday has now been one-upped by Walmart’s new play of starting specials on Thanksgiving night, thus luring people out of their homes on a major family holiday. It also…
Exclusive Interview: Dean Chambers of UnskewedPolls.com
Today, GlossyNews.com has the unique opportunity to present an interview with Dean Chambers from UnskewedPolls.com. And yes, this is a real interview. For the sake of proof we asked Dean to provide a photo of himself, and what you see…
How to Lose Weight the (Cheap &/or?) Easy Way
I meant to write this 20 or 30 pounds ago, but I wasn’t yet fully sure it wasn’t an anomaly, so I held off. But I’ve kept shedding the pounds, so I feel inclined to share. You know, for the…
97-Year-Old Walmart Employee Granted Early Retirement
Norma Harris, 97, of Rogers, Arkansas, will be granted early retirement from her full time position as a Walmart greeter after 44 years of employment with the mega-retailer. Harris will be the first person in Walmart history to be paid…
Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel
The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless…