Economic Struggle Forces Mary, Joseph to Merge Christ’s B-day, Christmas Presents Into One
BETHLEHEM – Citing financial hardship amid the ongoing global economic downturn, Mary and Joseph – the parents of Jesus Christ – have conceded that they will have to merge their only son’s birthday and Christmas presents into one. After years…
Federal Warning Over Agressive Toys
This morning the federal government issued warnings to parents over toys that are currently being sold for the holiday season which may pose a potential harm to their families. The revised Furby animated toy has been identified in several dangerous…
Angus T. Jones Proves Sheen Wasn’t the Real Crazy
Erstwhile chubster and modern day mini-hunk Angus T. Jones, best known as the child Charlie Sheen molested on Two and a Half Men made waves this week when he turned on his handlers and devoured whole his own career. The…
White House Agrees To Texas Secession, Perry Now King
In a surprising announcement late this evening, the White House announced it’s decision to let the state of Texas secede from the union. This was reportedly in response to the numerous signatures that were attached to a petition that was…
Newspapers Sleep with the Fishes
MIAMI–Newspapers became unwitting casualties of Black Friday after holiday shoppers swore off traditional sales marketing to shop discounts by smartphone. “I got the paper once a week, on Sundays and only for the coupons,” said one early morning shopper. “No…
West Nile Death Toll Rises to 4,028 Mosquitoes
DRUID HILLS, GEORGIA – The latest report released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has found that the death toll in the recent spread of West Nile’s disease has increased to more than 4,000 mosquitoes. More than half…
Center of Universe Needs Diaper Changing
INDIANAPOLIS – The center of local couple Jeff and Angela Paulson’s universe needed its diaper changing Saturday, after defecating all over its Pampers slip-on. Even though it is routinely described as the “greatest thing in the world”, the multicellular organism…
Zombies Found Roaming Chain Stores Black Friday Weekend
Reports have been coming in from across the country of a rash of zombie-like masses rushing about specific chain stores in large communities in a feeding like frenzy. Zombieologists, a newly developed scientific category that specifically studies zomboid type manifestations…
Arafat’s Body Missing
Ramallah, Occupied West Bank – Scientists and legal experts from Switzerland, France and Russia were shocked today to discover Yassar Arafat’s body missing from his tomb in Ramallah. The international community struggled to come up with a theory about what…
Local Man Pretty Sure He Has Seen Character Actor in Other Things
INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down to watch the 2009 film The Young Victoria with his wife Angela, local man Andrew Collins insisted that he definitely recognizes that one character actor from somewhere, but where? Not quite able to place where in…