Categorized | Human Interest

Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery

Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery

Eleven-year-old Olivia Miller of Gopher’s Gulch, Nebraska recently underwent delicate eye-reduction surgery in order to save her life.

“We are all so grateful,” said Olivia’s mother. “For years, her eyes were bigger than her stomach and she insisted on putting much more on her plate than she could possibly eat.”

Not only did Olivia take more food at each meal, she also ate most of the huge selected portions.

“Whether it was ribs, steaks or chops,” said Mrs. Miller. “Our daughter would always grab a few extra.”

It wasn’t Olivia’s fault, of course. Since her eyes were bigger than her stomach, she assumed she needed more food than she actually did.

“We’re glad that she can now lead a normal life and finally bring her weight down below 300 pounds,” said Olivia’s mom. “But we are disappointed about the loss of extra family income.”

It seems that Olivia’s giant eyes garnered her significant posing fees from artists wishing to paint aliens and sad children with large eyes.

Unfortunately, that extra remuneration is gone although it is hoped that she can recover some of it by now posing for promotional posters for the current Broadway revival of “Annie” and its tiny-eyed star.


This post was written by

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Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on and he blogs at


2 Responses to “Large-eyed Child Gets Surgery”

  1. Brian White says:

    I have children with large eyes and I find this offensive. Since they also have large hands and feet, I guess I'll let it slide, just this once.

  2. Dave Martin says:

    At least you can take solace in the fact that highly effective eye reduction surgery is available. Now all you need is some adequate healthcare coverage.


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