Trump to Open Chain of Children’s Casinos
Free-market capitalist and cranial gopher rescue haven Donald Trump has announced this week that he’ll open a new line of casinos aimed squarely at the children’s market. Many see this as a provocative, or even illegal move, but since all…
Extreme Couponing… It’s called Shoplifting (comic)
If you’ve ever wondered the best way to squeeze a few nickels out of your local retailer, there’s no better way than shoplifting. Sure you might go to jail over a $1.87 sample size of Jergins, but usually you’ll just…
“Rainbow” Comes Out as Heterosexual
In what is being hailed as the most highly viewed TV moment of all time, the Rainbow came out of the cosmic closet yesterday and announced on the Ellen Show that she is, in fact, a heterosexual. For much of…
Boy Scouts Allow Gays, Ban Hetero Troop Leaders
IRVING, TEXAS — In a surprise move yesterday, the Boy Scouts of America announced plans not only to accept homosexual troop leaders, but furthermore to ban heterosexuals from all leadership positions. RIGHT: Founding Scout Master Freddy “Flip” Antouchyerson. (CLICK TO…
Why was the boxer so funny? (comic)
Kids love to tell jokes in only two varieties; dumb and inappropriate. The one sadly falls into the “dumb” category, but hopefully redeems itself in the fourth act. This is a fine example of why we shouldn’t leave jokes to…
McDonald’s Launches Healthy Go-Eat-Elsewhere Option
Responding to ongoing criticism of its nutritional practices, fast food giant McDonald’s today announced its new healthy go-and-eat-somewhere-else option. From December 1st, select McDonald’s chains across the country will be offering several all-new disclaimers on its menu, including “you might…
Ann Coulter cuts out Latino’s heart, eats it
Conservative pundit Ann Coulter surprised viewers on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show when she carved into the body of a Latino immigrant and pulled out a heart. “I swear to God we will eat your hearts out, you Mexican illegals….
Myths No Match for Wikipedia, Despite Wikipedia (comic)
Follow up on the previous one in this installment. Ever heard something that was just too juicy to not be true? You don’t have to let it lie there, facts be damned, just add it to Wikipedia and see if…
NRA Slams Birth Control: “We Must Fight Semen With Semen”
WASHINGTON — In a prepared statement, the Neonatal Responsibility Association (NRA) announced their official stance on the highly contested birth control debate. According to the statement, the NRA argues that “any attempt to infringe on a woman’s right to bear…
How the Scan-Tron Actually Got Its Name (comic)
We’ve all been there. You had to use a #2 pencil, as if any other option was available at the store, and fill in the bubbles completely. But do you know the origin of the test? Do you know how…