Posted in Politics

Ann Coulter cuts out Latino’s heart, eats it

Conservative pundit Ann Coulter surprised viewers on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show when she carved into the body of a Latino immigrant and pulled out a heart. “I swear to God we will eat your hearts out, you Mexican illegals….

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Posted in Politics

John Kerry Transfers into Mainframe to Destroy 3D-printed Gun Blueprints

United States Department of State Secretary John Kerry joined with Deputy Secretaries William Joseph Burns and Thomas Nides in an effort to destroy the 3D gun blue prints released by DEFCAD, a site hosted by Defense Distributed. The State Department…

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Posted in Politics War Zone

Obama responds to Benghazi controversy as 15 killed in blast

President Obama defended today his administration’s response to the Benghazi terror attack as a car bomb explosion killed several people near a Benghazi hospital. “Nobody understood exactly what was taking place during the course of those first few days” Obama…

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Posted in Politics

Slime looks forward to joining cesspool in U.S. House

The gelled waste that once held office as South Carolina Governor has been elected to the U.S. House of Representatives. The win marks a major political comeback for the slime, Mark Sanford, who resigned after an extramarital glop in 2009….

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Posted in Politics

Chris Christie Kills Spider, Triggers Collapse of Western Civilization

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie unintentionally set forth a sequence of events that will ultimately lead to the fall of the United States government and all of Western civilization when he smashed a tiny spider last week. The spider, which…

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

The BRAIN Initiative: Obama’s Announcement

Barack rubbed weakly at his temples, which were sore and rough to the touch. He breathed slowly, in and out, as he tried to focus his racing mind, burdened by the thoughts of millions. He noticed through the window the…

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Posted in Politics

White House Administration consults with Department of UAV secretary Ryan YQM-98A R-Tern

Following a previous filibuster of John Brennan’s nomination to be CIA director, the Obama White House is said to be having closed door meetings with Department of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles secretary and well known developmental reconnaissance drone Ryan YQM-98A R-Tern…

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Posted in Health

US suicide rate jumps; unemployment rate falls

The suicide rate among middle-aged Americans was much higher in the previous two months than the government first estimated. The suicides reduced the unemployment rate from 7.6 percent to a four-year low of 7.5 percent. The report from the United…

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Posted in Politics World News

U.S. considers sending sympathy cards to Syria rebels

The White House is considering sending sympathy cards to Syrian rebels, officials said, but no arrangements have been made. A decision to supply sympathy cards would indicate a change in the Obama administration, which has resisted repeated requests to expand…

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Posted in Politics

Shaking in Fear, Oil Covered Congress Presses Obama to Approve Keystone XL Pipeline

Covered in what appears to be various amounts of crude oil, Congress is increasing pressure on the Obama administration to approve work on the long-delayed Keystone XL oil sand pipeline. They argue that the pipeline, which plans to carry large…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc Politics

Obama releases children’s book as ‘full legal basis’ for drone strikes

In response to House Democrats demanding that President Barack Obama release information on the White House Administration’s use of drone strikes, congress was sent a copy of “Our Friend Danny Drone,” a children’s book written by Obama. Inside sources have…

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Posted in Politics

Pro-knife movement to arm unborn babies

Congress Steve Stockman (R-Texas), pro-knife advocate, has introduced H.R. 1526, the Weapons for Unborn Act of 2013 – a bill to require doctors performing abortions to arm unwanted fetuses with a choice of close combat weapon. “I have one concern:…

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Posted in Politics

Pelosi Uses Assault Weapon, Averts Federal Shutdown

Days after an assault weapons ban was removed from a gun violence bill in the Senate earlier this week, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif, entered house chambers on Thursday, legally equipped with a SIG SG 550 assault rifle. Pelosi…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip Politics

Obama under fire for calling Quvenzhane Wallis the C-Word

President Barack Obama joked about a wide variety of subjects on Saturday at the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, but has outraged some with the distasteful quip he made about Quvenzhane Wallis, the Academy Award nominated nine-year old ‘Beasts of…

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