Satire Editor Turns 39, Knows Not What to Do
Ten years ago Glossy News founder Brian White had the unlikely opportunity to turn 29, and I did it, but once and only once. Today he turns 39, and likewise, promises never to do it again. Just too painful. Back…
Prostitute Asks Colleague “Have You Ever Been Arrested?” (comic)
We’ve all been there. We’ve all asked our co-worker for an ounce of advice, and in too many cases, the question is misunderstood. This comic speaks precisely to that. Click on the image to see it full-sized. Brian is on…
Drunken Obama Declares Prima Nocte
WASHINGTON — In a surprise move late last night, President Obama declared “Prima Nocte,” invoking the controversial 16th century feudal statute that allowed noblemen to “call dibs” on any newlywed bride during her first night of marriage. According to the…
Gay Muslim Arrested for “Loving Mohammed”
RIYADH – An openly gay Muslim has been arrested by religious police for professing his desire to “make love” with the prophet Mohammed. According to eyewitness reports, Omar al-Haard was accosted by thirty police officers after being caught in a…
Arrested Development: Back and Awesome
Yesterday Netflix premiered the 7-year anticipated fourth season of Arrested Development, and there was much rejoicing. The entire central cast is back, and it would seem all the ancillary characters returned as well, including Liza Minnelli (who looks honestly hotter…
Jesus Christ Hates Elvis (comic)
This comic was inspired by an actual conversation my mother had with actual missionaries about three decades ago. She was feisty then, she’s still a pain in my ass now, but none of that means anything in comparison to the…
Hummer Totally on Guy’s Ass for, Like, the Last 2 Miles
CARMEL – According to reports from the driver’s side of a silver Buick Century, that damn Hummer has been on local man Jeff Foggerty’s ass for, like, at least the last 2 miles. Even though Foggerty is himself marginally over…
Taco Bell Elects to Take USDA Meat Test Pass/Fail
IRVINE, CALIF — Taco Bell announced in a statement last week that they have elected to take this year’s USDA meat test on a pass/fail basis, rather than risking another poor performance on the agency’s traditional grading scale. According to…
How much do five hipsters weigh? (comic)
It’s a non-sequitur from the word “don’t go,” but apparently it’s been asked, so we’ll address it. How much do five hipsters weigh? Surely this is the pressing question of our time, and one that deserves front-page news attention, even…
Norm Abram Goes on Mass Sawing Spree, 11 People Left With Sheds
CARLISLE, MASS — Celebrity Carpenter and Former Host of PBS’s long-running “New Yankee Workshop” series Norm Abram allegedly went on a mass sawing spree late last night, leaving 11 people with beautiful, finely-built sheds, sources report. Experts claim that all…