Nine Nasty Reasons to Never Shop at Best Buy
It would be too easy to go into the daily fraud perpetrated by suckering trusting customers into buying gold-plated HDMI cables. Sure, they sell cables at 5,000% markup on the odd hour, but that aside, they’re terrible, incompetent and wholly…
Emergency Rooms Filled with Victims of Thumb Amputations
Hospitals and 911 phone banks were overwhelmed Saturday night when 16% of the nation lost its thumbs. “It was mass chaos,” said Doctor Anne Fulbright at Dallas General Hospital. “All of sudden all these thumbless white people showed up spurting…
MTV Promises to Literally Double Gross by 2015
MTV, long known as the first choice in late-night music and regular hours infomercials and reality porn-fer-tainment has set an ambitious goal; to double their gross by 2015, and they’re committed to scraping the gross bottom of the barrel to…
Power Outage Pulls Plug on South Park Episode
Los Angeles: In these uncertain and unstable times there is still one thing the people of America believed they could rely on. Now, all hope is lost and even when the government shutdown ends (which if Cartman has anything to…
Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act
Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming. This…
Fashion Police Accused of Disproportionately Targeting Blacks
LOS ANGELES, CA – An investigation has begun into allegations that members of the fashion police have deliberately set out to target blacks during routine fashion exposes and before-and-after shots. The announcement comes after 2,000,000 eye-witnesses reported seeing singer Beyonce…
Rush Limbaugh Crushed Under Falling Vending Machine
PALM BEACH COUNTY, FL – Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was flattened Sunday after a freak accident involving a vending machine left the 61-year-old with multiple injuries. Just 24 hours after issuing an apology to law student Sandra Fluke…
Indiana Man Uploads Entire Life Onto Facebook
INDIANAPOLIS – Spending more than nine hours a day on Facebook, one of the site’s 800 million users, Michael Treacher, says he has successfully uploaded his entire life onto the social networking site. Not only does his profile provide thousands…
Texas Messed With
AUSTIN, TX – It has been confirmed that the southern state of Texas was messed with today, as details of the messing continue to emerge. Little is known at present about the exact nature of the messing, but various spokesmen…
Adorable Indianapolis Desperately Trying to Convince Nation It a Major City
INDIANAPOLIS – As the Super Bowl nears its conclusion, the quite adorable city of Indianapolis is still desperately trying to convince the rest of the country that it is a major metropolis. Pulling in thousands of football fans from the…