White House Laments Roosevelt Didn’t Have #HitlerSucks in 1940’s, Could Have Shortened War
Washington D.C. – Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today’s presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn’t have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they…
“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey (^-^) Today’s issue: Sex with a subordinate?
Announcer: Monica Lewinsky was recently interviewed about her affair with former President Bill Clinton. Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be Hedda Enabler, spokesperson for the National Association of Disorganized Women. They will be discussing the fact…
‘American Idol’ Becomes Proving Ground for Future Politicians After Aiken Congressional Run
Los Angeles – Ryan Seacrest announced this morning that, due to former American Idol finalist Clay Aiken’s close results in his bid to win a congressional seat in North Carolina, the show would transition to a clearinghouse for all future…
Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits
Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate…
Michelle Obama Debuts New College Degree Plan at Rutgers: Professional Vacationer
New Brunswick, NJ – Smiling, and without a care in the world, FLOTUS showed up at Rutgers University today to unveil a brand new academic program she is credited with creating, in conjunction with the Board of Regents, that should…
“Yucky World” Guest Topic: Is government product safety running amok?
Announcer: Some people believe the federal government is going overboard in its efforts to protect us from hurting ourselves. “Yucky World” talk show hosts Dick and Janey will be discussing this issue with their guest, Consumer Protection Agency representative Miss…
Johnny Depp Unveils Breadlocks as Disney Announces Latest Sequel
Burbank, California – The Walt Disney Company made an exciting announcement over the weekend promoting their latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise that doubles as a poignant tribute to the recently extinct Olive Garden restaurant chain….
Ben Affleck Under Investigation For Researching Wrong Role in Las Vegas
Las Vegas – Ben Affleck was caught ‘counting cards’ in Las Vegas this week and authorities are baffled as to why the actor was attempting such a feat. Apparently, Affleck was on a bender and claimed to be doing research…
Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen
The 2014 FIFA World Cup event will be a beneficial factor that will help Brazil with its not-so-good economy, at least that’s what Hispanic skinhead, Pitbull, had to say about it. Hispanic, cancer man later went on to gibber on…
Lorde Accuses Papparazzo Of Taking Pictures Of Her In Public
Age ambiguous, teen pop music sensation Lorde, took to twitter this weekend to accuse a paparazzi photographer of maliciously taking photographs of her in public. “This man has been stalking me, photographing me in public and refusing me my God…