Wealthy Man Replaces his Sexist & Racist Thoughts with Clones to Silence Critics
Dateline: NEW YORK–Tired of being accused of having stereotypical ideas of women and racial minorities, the gazillionaire Roderick Billington set about spending his vast fortune to perfect his conceptions. “I realized the essence of the problem early on,” he said….
Latest Godzilla Movie Features Fatter, Middle-Age Monster With Low T
Tokyo – In the latest incarnation of the Godzilla series of big-screen features, Godzilla 2014, the monster playing the fierce creature looks a little less menacing than in previous movies, and a little more out of shape. “It’s true, I’ve…
Fine, I’ll Break the News: Paul Dinello to Take Over Colbert Report
With Stephen Colbert leaving to fill the massive shoes of David Letterman on CBS, who will take over at 11:30 on Comedy Central? Paul Dinello, it is hoped. This news has not been official until now. No one else has…
Kentucky Derby Horse ‘Uncle Sigh’ Doesn’t Really Give a Damn About Race
Churchill Downs – As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: ‘Uncle Sigh’ just doesn’t give a damn. The horse is already pissed about having…
My Mother Was A Margarine Smuggler
Yes, it is true. Shameful but true. It is always difficult for the children of those involved in criminal activities to confront their past and the social stigmas associated with such behavior, but at some time it must be faced….
Japanese Accused of “Fat-Shaming” Godzilla, Warner Brothers of “Cultural Appropriation”
As the film Godzilla approaches it’s US May 16th debut, the grievance industry got started early when the internetz and blogosphere exploded late Friday after a new trailer of the movie was released by Warner Brothers. Japanese fan groups accused…
New Study: Fat Bottomed Girls May Not ‘Make the Rockin’ World Go Round’ After All
Ithaca, NY – After years of tireless research at Cornell University, professors have released a study that brings into question the long-accepted fact the late great Freddie Mercury, from the rock band Queen, proclaimed to the world – Fat bottomed…
A Solution to Our Prison Problem – Soccer Balls
Newsflash: Our prison population over the past two decades has soared to a record-bursting 2.4 million, according to PrisonPass.com almost one out of every 100 Americans is currently incarcerated. (Personally, I blame Hollywood celebutantes Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Justin…
Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’
WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.” After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization…
Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings
Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities….