Category: Top Stories
Pentagon Buys J.D. Salinger’s Toilet for $1 Million
HOBOKEN, New Jersey (GlossyNews) — The Pentagon today announced that in keeping with the President’s unofficial request to keep spending to a minimum, it would henceforth be purchasing many items used from the popular auction site, eBay at considerably less…
New Leak Linked to BP
ROSWELL, New Mexico (GlossyNews) — In his harshest stance yet, President Barack Obama has demanded flailing petroleum giant BP establish yet another $20B set-aside to address more leak damage. At issue is the recent Wiki-leaks release of 91,000 classified documents,…
Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among…
Mexico and US Pillowtalk
Why the USA will probably never legalize drugs. (Drug Consumer played by USA; Drug Lord played by Mexico) USA: I want to stop! Go Away! MEXICO: No you don’t! You love it! Let me in! USA: OK, but just for…
Man Stumped Over Penis Mishap
FALLS TOWNSHIP, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — Court documents released today revealed startling accusations from a Philadelphia area stock broker’s lawsuit against a nationally known erectile dysfunction clinic for their alleged amputation of both the plaintiff’s legs in a botched attempt to…
France Protects Muslim Women’s Rights by Denying them Choice
The French National Assembly has voted overwhelmingly to ban burqas, with 335 in favor of the law and only one against it. This decision is in line with the international consensus that instead of what they do, what they say,…
Palin Voodoos Tina Fey
ST LOUIS CEMETERY #1, New Orleans (GlossyNews) — While on a lecture tour in New Orleans, Sarah Palin slipped away form her entourage and secretly visited a voodoo shop in the French Quarter. The owner already had the Tina Fey…
Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama
ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson…
Trig Palin to Star as Arnold Jackson in ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ Movie
HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to shake the entertainment world to its core, Sarah Palin, the poster girl for dumb broads everywhere, has found another way to pimp out a family member to get her palms greased…
The United States of Corporate America
SANDPOINT, Idaho (GLossyNews) — In a bold statement today, a jubilant Sarah Palin announced her plans to rename our country. “We live in a great country. And if we want to see things get done, if we want to support…