Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he’s giving for making such a bold business move, Gore came up with these:

*I like the “laying on of hands” concept of Reiki. The magic is in the palms.

*I’ve always been turned on by the phrase “holistic.”

*If you’ve ever had hot rocks placed on your belly chakra, you don’t need to ask.

*Bill Clinton urged me to do it. I’ve followed his advice in everything I’ve done so far in life and look where it’s gotten me.

*With so much stress in my life right now, what with masseuse after masseuse coming out of the woodwork claiming I somehow sexually harassed them, I need a place to go to de-stress 24/7. If anyone needs some “laying on of hands” it’s this fella.

Gore will be offering Traditional Japanese Reiki as opposed to Western Reiki for two reasons. One, obviously is because Gore believes Japanese women just know how to do it better and two, he’s not had such great luck with the masseuses he’s come across who have been trained in the western ways of massage.

Gore has chosen the name “Hot Rocks” for his salons and says he chose Washington, DC as the location because, like himself, there are hundreds of stressed-out, sexually-charged politicians and lobbyists in that city who could benefit from the calming effects of having hot rocks and oil massages between power meetings, without asking an ordinary masseuse for a deep massage and being totally misunderstood.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at ISaidLaughDammit.blogspot.com.

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