Category: Top Stories
Gun & Beer Sales Up, Foreclosures Down in Michigan
MIDDLE AMERICA, USA (GlossyNews) — Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off…
Cheney and Bush in Parallel Universe Experience The Revolutionary War
WALT DISNEY WORLD, Florida (GlossyNews) — In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of…
Cuba Sees Future in Tourism
Posted by your South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. Beleaguered, nearly forgotten Cuba has announced another wave of economic reforms. Under the new guidelines, citizens can operate small businesses, hire employees, and rent property for American currency. Analysts attribute…
Kudos to Writers for Not Acting Like Stupid Dodo Heads
The saying goes “There is more than one way to skin a cat.” No, this isn’t a funny story about a cat. I know, I know, for all you cat lovers out there, maybe there will be one soon, but…
Michele Bachman, Unaware of Y2k, Attacks Bill Clinton
CROOKSTON, Minnesota (GlossyNews) — The Republican Party, frequently criticized for being behind the times and completely devoid of new ideas, has taken yet another strategy from Newt Gingrich’s 1994 GOP Playbook. Michele Bachmann, one of the most prominent she-publican fundraisers,…
Candidate with the Biggest Mouth or Most Bizarre Message Wins
In the run up to the this year’s mid-term elections we’ve seen some of the most bizarre behavior and comments coming out of the candidates, especially those who claim to be ordinary Americans wanting to take America back. Come time…
GOP Pledges Rich Can Get Richer, Sick Can Die Broke
Wornolde Points, Ohio (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. News organizations around the world are analyzing the political, economic and policy implications of the recently released GOP “Pledge to America.” But the story doesn’t end there….
Dems Cope w/ Mid-Term Electile Dysfunction – Viagra In Short Supply
Webster’s Dictionary recently added a new phrase that pretty much sums up the problems facing the Democratic Party today as the important mid-term elections roll ever closer. Eloquently said, the new phrase has captured the imagination of conservative pundits as…
Pelosi Plans Grand Canyon Sale to Chinese to Balance Budget
Washington, DC – (Glossy News Exclusive!) In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking debt relief, Treasury officials announced a sweeping step-by-step plan to eliminate the nation’s debt held by foreign governments. Secretary Paulus Franks gave reporters details on the…
Pelosi Rampant Blinking Deciphered As Secret Code To UFO Mothership
Agents at the NSA have finally broken an ultra secret code that has thwarted the intelligence agency for almost 25 years. The suspect breach of national security was discovered during a Congressional speech that was televised in 1985. The 45…