WALT DISNEY WORLD, Florida (GlossyNews) — In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of the Revolutionary War. In this parallel universe, personalities and characteristics remain the same, but the environment, the historical time and the circumstances have changed.
The two men meet on the street, glance around to make sure no one is looking, then sneak into an alley to talk secretly.
“Hey there Dick, how is it going?” asked Bush.
“I’ve become convinced that it would be a mistake to support these fools who want an independent country.” Cheney snorted.
“They talk about freedom! Independence! Self sovereignty! Bah humbug! What a bunch of poppycock! There’s no money to be made in that. Always stick with the big boys I say!”
“My pappy says we should be smart and keep with the British too.” said Bush. “He always likes to follow tradition. It’s always worked well for the family. That’s how we got our prestige and wealth”
“He’s right. These bunch of ‘Americans’ as they call themselves are really just ….terrorists you might say. They just want to tear down our way of life.”
“Yeah. My mom says if they don’t love it they can leave it and go join the Frenchies in Canada.”
Cheney leans in closer and whispers “ There is talk of war. There is money to be made. I’m hooked up with a company called Halliburton Ltd. that will supply arms and necessities to the Redcoats.”
Bush whispers, “Me and the fellas have decided that anyone who ain’t with us is against us and if we catch them we are going to send them to a secret location and get information from them. We already got some guys who were at that Tea Party thing on sabotage charges. They will be tried outside the country’s borders.”
“That sounds good. Anyone who goes against the British is a traitor. We’ve got to get people to believe that. Those who remain true and help crush out the insurgency are patriots.” Cheney snickers, “I can’t stand these idiots who whine on about not being represented wanting to make their own country. Why don’t they just stay in line and do what they are told?”
George laughs too. “They act like these things are more important than money and controlling everything!”
Cheney looked at his timepiece. “Well, I’ve got to go. They caught some guy named Paul Revere and they need some information from him. I’m taking my waterboard down to the basement where they’re holding him. See you later.”
“Okey dokey. They are going to be hanging some rebel named Nathan Hale tomorrow. I thought me and the family would go down and watch. Would you like to join us?”
“No, I’m going to be too busy closing a deal with Canadian Indians for getting ‘American’ scalps. I do support it though. The sooner we get these terrorists hung the sooner we can get back to the real business of making money.”
“Amen to that!”