Washington, DC – (Glossy News Exclusive!) In a shocking turn-around for American taxpayers seeking debt relief, Treasury officials announced a sweeping step-by-step plan to eliminate the nation’s debt held by foreign governments.
Secretary Paulus Franks gave reporters details on the amount of Treasury Notes held by the government of China and the ramifications it had on future American financial growth and expansion of the free enterprise markets in this country.
In a plan worked out by Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Senate Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), the National Treasures for Debt Relief Act was passed by a Democratic vote. Within the plan various national treasures will be traded for debt relief. Pelosi quickly responded to critics by blasting their concerns. “So? Big deal, right? What are they going to do, move it out of the country?”
The measures instruct the Interior Department to immediately padlock all access to the Grand Canyon National Park in preparation for its transfer to the People Republic of China’s ownership next Monday. The deal immediately forgives $3.7 trillion dollars in paper notes held by the Beijing government.
Chang Zing, Chinese Interior Minister, announced today that toll roads, and ticket sales for Canyon viewing will go on sale in October. Zing promised a whole new look to the nation’s most popular natural resource with an artist’s rendering showing gigantic Ferris wheels, roller coasters, and a newly designed grand entrance to the park featuring traditional Chinese dragons dressed as Apache Indians. China has also dispatched over 70,000 ‘People’s Republic volunteer’ workers who will man tee shirt shops, fake designer watch kiosks, and chop suey restaurants located within walking distance from the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.
Next, according to Pelosi, will be Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. ‘Let’s dump it now! All the figures there are dead anyway.’