Category: Top Stories
Polls Show Increased Respect for Republican Shamelessness
Dateline: WASHINGTON—Polls indicate that Republicans are more respected by Americans, as a result of their complicated response to Russian President Putin’s invasion of Ukraine. Since George W. Bush’s second term, polls revealed that Americans’ respect for Republicans had plummeted. Analysts…
Canadians Urge Ukrainians to seek Peace Through Dullness!
Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring like the Canadians. Ukraine is split between ethnic Russians in the eastern…
Putin Sets World Record For Quickest Change Of Face In Political History
Vladimir (the Vampire ) Putin, still glowing from the success of the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia, has suddenly shown his darker side of the Force by invading and taking over the Crimea, a vital peninsula of his supposed…
Canadians Urge Ukrainians to Seek Peace through Dullness
Dateline: OTTAWA—Backed by a majority of Canadians, the Canadian government has passed a resolution urging Ukrainians to stop fighting and to handle their internal conflict by being more boring, like Canadians.
U.S. Military Takes Back Internet After Realizing The Frankenstein Their Creation Has Become..
The U.S. Military, the true originator of the Internet, has had enough of the shenanigans it has become and is taking it [the internet] back. “It was never meant to be the big circus that it is now.” stated General…
Seth Rogan Testifies Before Congress About Seth Rogan
In a six minute address before a Senate Hearing on Alzheimer’s research funding that has gone viral on the Internet, comedian and actor Seth Rogan was successful at focusing discussion on the lack of knowledge and attention paid to Seth…
Big Pharma Creates New Polio-Like Virus
Representatives of Big Pharma revealed today that they have created a new polio-like virus and are testing it on California schoolchildren. “We have infected about 30 California schoolchildren far”, said Big Pharma spokesperson Greg Skrewm. “We hope to have reached…
Arizona State Legisislature Votes To Change State Motto, Slogan
Giddy with the joy of Christ at successfully legalizing state sponsored endorsement of dark age phobias and insanities the Arizona State Legislature voted to to change the State slogan and motto along with other state designations and affiliations.
Creation Museum Sets Stupidly Low Bar w/ Non-Floating Ark
Ken Ham, while unclean in name only, continues to vie valiantly for the creation of a modern day Ark to prove once and for all that the book of Genesis was written as a literal and true historical account. But…
Slamming of ConDems ‘Highly Accurate’
Ministers last night applauded Britain’s leading Roman Catholic for being well-informed and on point. They praised Archbishop of Westminster Vincent Nichols after he denounced government poverty creation schemes. Downing Street said David Cameron believes there is a moral case only…