Category: Top Stories
The New Smash Hit Film- ‘Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants’
The new Sci-Fi flick ‘Dawn Of The Planet Of Illegal Immigrants’ is taking the box office by storm! The latest sequel in the series that started with ‘Planet Of The Illegal Immigrants’ then continued with ‘Beyond The Planet Of The…
Megyn Kelly is Still a Massive Twat, But Mitt Romney Has a Huge Wang (Censored Version)
Megyn Kelly, anchor of some white guy’s network, is still being pursued by liberals and stuff, claiming that her blatant and sour opinions that put people to shame were morally wrong and shouldn’t be on a comedy network such as…
An Open Rant To The “%&*#@&” Geniuses” Eastern Ukrainian Rebels
You absolute stupid f*&%$#ing a*^&*%s! You %*&^-up cowboys who think you are the coolest things on the planet when really you are a bunch of dumb s*^*s who probably still wet the bed at night. You, in trying to prove…
The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper
FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road…
Why Are You Knocking On Our Door When Your Own Country Is A Mess? or Sorry, We Are Not A Professional Babysitting Company.
With regards to the sudden influx of children from Central America suddenly rushing our border and the questions over what the proper response should be, here is an interesting similar incident that happened a while back in Germany: In the…
Kim Jong-un Rejects Peace Offering: Guarantees Death to Rogen, Franco, America
Pyongyang, North Korea – Co-stars for the upcoming film, The Interview, James Franco and Seth Rogen find themselves boiling in a scalding cauldron of steamy garlic butter this week after their recent peace offering to North Korean Leader, Kim Jong-un,…
Border Patrol Invokes Nancy Reagan’s Anti-Drug Mantra “Just Say No” To Solve Child Immigration
The head of the U.S. Border Patrol, James Bratcatcher, highly stressed from dealing with the sudden influx of children and young mothers with children from Latin America, has claimed that a solution to the international problem came to him in…
Pittsburgh PUC Halts Ride-Sharing At Kennywood
PITTSBURGH — Ruling that the threat to public safety is “theoretically a very real problem under the principles of String theory,” a two-judge panel has shut down ride-sharing at Kennywood park in West Mifflin. The ruling makes it illegal for…
“Drones May Not Attack Banks” says new U.S. Drone Czar
WASHINGTON – The newly appointed US Drone Czar announced today that attack drones operating on US soil may not attack US banks without prior approval of the Federal Reserve Bank. “Let me be clear,” stated General Quentin Easing, the new…
Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician
Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs. Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus…