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Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery

Local Man Seems Just A Little Too Into Archery

INDIANAPOLIS – Sitting down with his family to watch the opening rounds of the Olympic Games Friday, Indianapolis resident Damien Fenhurst was just a little too into archery, say sources.

Displaying an inordinate degree of interest in the skill and craftsmanship of the competitors on show, the 39-year-old was seen staring intently at the television screen, Continue Reading

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Posted in News In Your Briefs, Sports Events2 Comments

Top 16 Olympic Games We Wish We Could See

Top 16 Olympic Games We Wish We Could See

With the 2012 Olympics well under way, we can only dream of the myriad sports that have been excluded. I’m not talking about Yoga or Calvinball, but some of the other unseen greats. Here are just a few of our yet-to-be-seen future favorites.

Wedding Cake Smashing

Not because I have been jilted or anything, just because there is something so elegant Continue Reading

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Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

LONDON–Through a little investigative journalism here and a little bribe there, Iron E-News was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets.

Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since 2009, has become an avid contributor under the codename Intrnt Hpstr.

We have the exclusive and complete list of tweets and are very happy to share them with you: Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Sports Events5 Comments

Copyright Take-Down: Mount Olympus Forced to Change its Name in Honor of London 2012

Copyright Take-Down: Mount Olympus Forced to Change its Name in Honor of London 2012

LONDON–The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games.

Other famous names that have come under scrutiny are Nike (the Winged Victory statue will now be called Adidas) and God (who can now only be referred to as The Alpha because of Omega watches). Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Sports Events4 Comments

Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse

Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse

LONDON, UK – The British Home Office has revealed that, owing to a contractual oversight, the security force for the 2012 Olympics – which opens in London this Friday – has been downgraded to a single horse called Shadow.

It had initially been agreed between the London 2012 Organizing Committee and security firm G4S that over 10,000 guards would be provided for the duration of the Games. Continue Reading

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Opening Ceremonies to Switch to ‘Hunger Games’ Format

Opening Ceremonies to Switch to ‘Hunger Games’ Format

LONDON – The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today announced plans to dramatically alter the usual format of the Opening Ceremonies, moving away from the traditional vibe of peace and goodwill and opting instead for a Hunger Games-style fight to the death.

The committee responsible for organizing the Opening Ceremonies, which will be held this upcoming Friday, claims the move was made to attract viewers and boost ratings. Continue Reading

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Tally Ho: Preview of the London 2012 Summer Olympics

Tally Ho: Preview of the London 2012 Summer Olympics

LONDON ENGLAND27 July, 2012 – Reuters Newswire The 2012 London Summer Games have officially begun. The breathtakingly beautiful new venue known as London Olympic Stadium (scheduled to be completed just in time for the 2016 Summer Games in Rio) was the site of an exhilarating opening ceremonies. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Sports Events1 Comment

Behind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics

Behind The Scenes At The 2012 London Summer Olympics

SCENE: London General Hospital
TIME: The 2012 Summer Olympic Games

The emergency telephone rings.

Nurse: London General.

Voice on phone: Ambulance 253 here! We’re bringing in a code 5. Six patients in all. Continue Reading

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IOC Announces Compulsory Drug Use for London Olympics

IOC Announces Compulsory Drug Use for London Olympics

After decades of what could only be described as a tail-chasing nightmare of anabolic proportions, International Olympic Committee president Jaques Rogge has announced that this years London Olympics will involve compulsory performance enhancing drug use for all competitors. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals1 Comment

Arena Football Eases Fans Qualms About Suffering an NFL Lockout

Arena Football Eases Fans Qualms About Suffering an NFL Lockout

Do you struggle to understand the meaning of life? Worried your bladder will explode while riding an elevator? Scratching an itchy ear with a paper clip (quite frankly, who hasn’t)? Then there’s an event happening nearby that’ll make your scalp tingle. It’s the 2011 Arena Football League (AFL) season. Continue Reading

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‘Nouveau Homeless’ Emerge as Travel to Super Bowl Sacked by Mother Nature

‘Nouveau Homeless’ Emerge as Travel to Super Bowl Sacked by Mother Nature

Thousands of Steelers and Packers fans found it almost impossible to get to Arlington, Texas for the Super Bowl game to be played on Sunday. Some are telling travel hell stories straight from the play books of the comedy film “Planes, Trains and Automobiles. One weary traveler stranded at Columbus International Airport Friday night was overheard telling his wife, “We’d have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak.” Continue Reading

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Rose Bowl Parade Officials Cancel N. Korean Army Marching Deal

Rose Bowl Parade Officials Cancel N. Korean Army Marching Deal

Pasadena, CA – Rose Bowl Parade officials sent an official notice to members of the elite North Korean Army’s precision marching corp. The letter gave notice that due to recent international nuclear tensions, the participation of the 10,000 man North Korean precision marching army will not be wanted. The annual parade is used to showcase the annual Rose Bowl football spectacular held in Pasadena each January 1st. Continue Reading

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Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy

Brazil Economists Say Brazil Loss is Victory for Brazil Economy

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (GlossySports) -– While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver lining. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Sports, Sports Events0 Comments

Winter Olympics Surprisingly Teach Americans Geography

Winter Olympics Surprisingly Teach Americans Geography

The Winter Olympics in Vancouver have obviously taught us all some important lessons about bobsled safety and 40 million dollar opening ceremonies. However, some Americans are learning more than they ever expected from the Olympic coverage. Americans, globally renowned for a complete ignorance of geography, have discovered countries they didn’t know existed at all. Continue Reading

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Former Singer/Drug Addict Bobby Brown Wins X-Games 14 Snowboarding Medal

Former Singer/Drug Addict Bobby Brown Wins X-Games 14 Snowboarding Medal

ASPEN, Colorado — R&B sensation Bobby Brown left a successful stint with New Edition in 1987 to pursue a solo career, which garnered him a string of Top 10 Billboard hits and a Grammy Award. But Brown’s increasingly bizarre behavior throughout the 1990s and early 2000s began to overshadow his past glory. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals, Sportsfolk0 Comments

2010 Winter Olympics — Sold Out to the Highest Bidder?

2010 Winter Olympics — Sold Out to the Highest Bidder?

This scene was captured by one of our authors last week, but we can’t publish it under her name because she was subsequently disqualified for using performance enhancing substances. We will still publish it, but we can’t give her credit, and our thanks to Roger Freed for picking up the torch where she passed out, even if he didn’t edit the text for length, readability or any sort of journalistic integrity. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports Events1 Comment

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