Archive | Sports Events

All White-All American Sports Venues Outlaw Ethnic Snacks

All White-All American Sports Venues Outlaw Ethnic Snacks

With the advent of all white, American-only teams in the near future, many sports venues have followed suit by removing any snacks that originated in any country other than America. That means, hamburgers, originally from Hamburg, Germany and hot dogs, or frankfurters, originally from Frankfurt, Germany, will no longer be served. Nachos, a Mexican treat, and, of course, pizza, an Italian staple, will also not find their way onto the snack menu. Continue Reading

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Waterboarding Added To Olympics For ’10

Waterboarding Added To Olympics For ’10

IOC Headquarters, Switzerland – In a little-known press conference outside the offices of the International Olympics, The President of the International Olympic Committee (IOC), Jacques Rogge, announced that after long consideration and research with the UN and throughout the world, waterboarding would be added to the roster of competitions for the Beijing Games in August. Continue Reading

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Building Overtakes Basketball… Poms Excel

Building Overtakes Basketball… Poms Excel

The Women of Notre Dame officially opened their basketball season on the 15th against unranked University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff at the newly renovated Purcell Pavilion of the Joyce Athletic and Convocation Center. The 102 to 57 rout of UAPB was overshadowed by the shortcomings of the new facility, despite the stellar performance of freshman sensation Skyhook Digme, including her dive into the stands to save a ball. Continue Reading

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Phillies Fan Flogs Golly for Tickets

Phillies Fan Flogs Golly for Tickets

An American woman charged with offering sex in exchange for World Series baseball tickets maintains she has committed no crime nor done anything wrong by flogging her golly on the internet.

“I’m not embarrassed about my actions but I’m effin’ furious about how I was set up and then arrested,” Fellattia Wankerstein, from the Slutborough Heights area of Philadelphia, told Fux News. “I mean, even career hookers are allowed to ply their trade and wares on the public streets but when I try to get tickets for the Phillies-Yankees game I get targeted by the local Gestapo’s dodgy deviant Vice Squad.” Continue Reading

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Flight Wins 23rd Annual Eau Claire–St. Cloud Corn Maze

Flight Wins 23rd Annual Eau Claire–St. Cloud Corn Maze

Minneapolis, MN — An Airbus A320 jet flown by a Northwest Airlines pilot and co-pilot have won the 23rd Annual Eau Claire—St. Cloud Corn Maze Run. The oldest airplane corn maze in the western world announced NWA Flight 188 were the winners by almost 28 minutes over the second place winner, 3-time Maze Grand Prize winner, Todd Palin from Alaska. Mr Palin used a dog team and sled in each of the 4 years he has entered the race. Continue Reading

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WNHL Combines Canada’s Two Greatest Exports

WNHL Combines Canada’s Two Greatest Exports

Perhaps you’ve heard of Canada, it’s the nation inconveniently separating the contiguous United States from the industrious state of Alaska. Despite their reputation as a nation “not having a reputation,” marketing executives have come up with a product that will finally put Canada on the map, which currently, at least on maps printed in the United States, it is not. Continue Reading

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