Mean Colts Getting Fans’ Hopes Up Again

INDIANAPOLIS – In what was arguably designed as a mean prank yesterday, the Indianapolis Colts conspired to build up the hopes of millions of Hoosiers by recording their first victory of the season against the Tennessee Titans.

Avoiding a 14th successive defeat Sunday, the Colts – known for cruelly convincing fans that further impending success always lies ahead – roused the 50,000 in attendance with a spitefully deceiving performance and post-game lap of honor.

The Colts’ 27-13 victory against the playoff-chasing Titans was met with jubilation from naive fans, who remain utterly unaware that their evil heroes have already laid out plans to continue the horrible slump in form, beginning this Friday against the Texas Rangers.

“Today’s victory will lull our fans into a false sense of security once more,” said mean-spirited head coach Jim Caldwell. “For the next five days people from all across the state are going to be walking around with a real spring in their step after Sunday’s result. But that all ends again on the 23rd. Merry Christmas, bitches.”

The news comes after star quarterback Peyton Manning – who has been sidelined through injury the entire season – teased fans by hinting at a possible return to action early next year.

“You have to give Hoosiers something to cheer about once in a while,” said Manning. “That way it’s so much easier to crush their dreams when the right opportunity presents itself.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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