Category: Strange People
Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike
Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…
Local Man Comes to Conclusion Neighbor is Just Plain Mean
After years of living next door to a man perceived to simply have an abrasive sense of humor, a local man has finally determined his neighbor is just plain mean. Mike Mitty, owner of Mighty Mitty Comics Emporium moved in…
Ghost of Reagan Appears; Apologizes for Trickle Down Economics
It is said that Ronald Reagan haunts the White House, and a visitor to the stately home has come forward to bring a message from Reagan beyond the grave. “He says he’s sorry for advocating trickle-down economics, and if he…
Young Woman Miraculously Ignores her Beauty to Study Philosophy
Dateline: PITTSBURGH — Lisa Prettysweet, an achingly beautiful 26-year old, stunned her family and friends by showing the slightest interest in philosophy. Predictably, her reading of philosophy has made her more skeptical, pessimistic, and cynical and her parents are convinced…
31% Chance that Miley Cyrus Will Develop Frostbite During New Year’s Performance
New York, NY – Pop icon and cultural wrecking ball Miley Cyrus is scheduled to headline the festivities in Times Square, performing just before the ball drops to start the New Year. According to forecasters, the weather at midnight should…
A Return To ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’
A RETURN TO TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring we were all totally soused. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care with the kids…
Original Poster Is Actually a Bundle of Sticks
Today the internet was shocked and quite frankly a little turned on by a new discovery: OP (or original poster) is a faggot. Internet researchers are still trying to figure out how a bundle of sticks is responsible for every…
Wayne LaPierre, Tormented By Fear Over Gun Deaths, Builds His Own Winchester Mansion
Wayne LaPierre, chief face for the National Rifle Association, has been secretly burdened by the fear of having helped to suppress laws that would have controlled the guns that have been ravaging American society. Knowing that he was instrumental in…
Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To ‘Selfish-Taking’.
Thanksgiving, once a proud cornerstone of our traditional American holidays with roots harkening back to our Pilgrim forefathers, is now comatose on the border of rigor mortis. At one time it was considered to be the most family oriented of…
Abusive Boyfriend Proposes With “Conflict-Free” Diamond to Show He Has Sense of Humor, Too
MADISON, W. VA. — Local 24 Year Old Jeffrey Kiln recently proposed to Ashley Brenevaldi with a certified “conflict-free” diamond ring in an effort to show that, in addition to his constant physically, mentally and emotionally abusive behavior toward his…