Category: Religionism
Scientists Discover 21 Benefits to Burkas
Burkas are the head to toe traditional wear for adult females in the most fundamentalist of Islamic countries. They are designed to cover up all possibilities of erotic stimulation coming from even the oldest of women. Standard wear in much…
God, Allah And Jehovah No Longer in Charge
God, Allah and Jehovah were walking along a heavenly path, arguing as usual. “Your people are causing trouble again and again and again!” God scolded Allah. “Well, if Mr. Jehovah didn’t insist on having the Jewish paradise in the middle…
Pat Robertson Puts Hit on Manning
Pat Robertson put a cosmic bounty on quarterback Peyton Manning, damning him to be injured this season as retribution for the Denver Broncos getting rid of Tim Tebow. “Hey, The Saints had the same system. Never second-guess a saint,” said…
Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured
MCLEAN, VA —GlossyNews The recently announced “early departure” of a 43-year-old right wing political activist and blogger has brought to the forefront an investigation into a viral GOPTea™ campaign that has begun figuratively taking down some big players: Bachmann, Cain,…
Residents of Heaven Complain about Lack of Freedom
Residents of a community somewhere in southern California are coming forward with serious allegations of discrimination, forced behavior, and restrictions on personal freedom. Compared by its residents to ‘prison’ the community apparently forces them to wear white robes at all…
Camping Not Sure How He Missed Predicting Own Stroke
SOUTH OAKLAND, CA —Glossy News Harold Camping [the American Christian radio host who falsely prophesied that the world would end on May 21] suffered a stroke in June but is slowly recovering. Acting on God’s advice, he will soon be…
Baptist Minister Performs Exorcism on Stock Market
New York, NY – GlossyNews.com – “DEMONS OF VOLATILITY, COME OUT!” So declaimed the Rev. Buster Shillerberg yesterday afternoon on the steps of the New York Stock Exchange. The diminutive Reverend Shillerberg spoke in loud oracular tones that rolled like…
Doomsday Prophet Admits Using LOST to Predict Rapture
Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes…
Crap, I Totally Blew Off the Day of Doom
Well, I had every good intention of giving the End of the World* my undivided attention. Unfortunately, I had several things on my to do list that took precedence and, before I knew it, the day was upon me. Looked…
Pentagon Study Finds Atheist in Foxhole
Deputy Secretary of Defense Scott Turlock spoke from the Pentagon this week to announce news that portends even more paradigm challenges for the United States military forces. “Well we don’t know how he got there either. Our plate’s pretty full…