Category: Society
Dad Waits for Break in Dialogue to Repeat Line
FORT WORTH, TX—While watching an action adventure film with his family Sunday evening, local father Lou Burkley waited briefly for the film’s dialogue to subside, giving him the window of opportunity to say out loud a line he deemed worthy…
Hardline Atheists Condemn Sleep & Sex as Irrational!
Dateline: SPRINGFIELD, MI—Speaking jointly at a press conference after coming to a unanimous decision at this year’s Skepticon, held at Missouri State University, representatives of the New Atheist movement condemned sleep and sex for being irrational. “Religious faith is clearly…
TSA Agent Impregnates Passenger
In news which may come as a huge shock to frequent flyers in the United States, Leanne Ackerman, 28, was somehow accidentally impregnated by a TSA agent of the same gender during an enhanced security pat-down, popularly known as the…
Gun Makers Pissed Shoop Mall Shooting Only Kills Himself
American Arms Manufacturers are upset that a man had the audacity to enter a mall, shoot it up, and not intentionally hit anyone else other than himself. On Nov. 3rd 20 year old Richard Shoop entered the New Jersey Garden…
America’s Father Not Going to Tell Nation a Second Time
WESTMORELAND, VIRGINIA COLONY – As the country’s highly documented problems with civil discourse continue to spiral out of control, the Father of the United States, President George Washington, has warned that he is not going to tell the nation a…
Woman Chops Off Finger to Avoid Workplace Safety Rally
SAN FRANCISCO, California – A cafeteria employee cut off one of her own fingers with a butcher’s knife in an “act of desperation” after a co-worker reminded her that 99 days had elapsed since someone had been injured in a…
Brooklyn Is Adjective, Confirms Webster’s
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – Due out in 2014, the latest update to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary confirms Brooklyn as an adjective. “We wanted to do some exciting things with language this year. We’re not just adding new pop culture terminology. We’re…
Pappy Worked His Way Through College; Jr. is Boned
We’ve heard it countless times from conservatives, congressan and conservative congressman… My dad (the speaker) was poor, but he worked his way through college, and “here I am! A self-made success!” Yeah, those days are gone. An aspiring poor simply…
Obamacare Didn’t Falter, but was Crashed by Attacks; DDOS & GOP
As sure as the moneyed-interests opposed Obama to the tune of nearly a billion dollars in 2012, the same interests have come back to crash the ACA (Obamacare) on two fronts, and they’ve done a masterful job of it. The…
Best Costumes of White House Halloween Ball Announced
The Reuters News Service has published the results of the voting on who (and what) wore the best costumes to the 2013 Halloween Ball at the White House. A hearty congratulations to all those who received a mention and a…