Category: Society
“Gun Bubble Imminent” Claims Financial Wizard
E. Edmund Worthington, a foremost prognosticator in the world of weapons pricing, is warning potential gun buyers to save their cash and quit buying guns. “The prices are way too high now folks,” said Worthington in a voice resembling a…
Pro-gun Lobby Calls for State-Level Ban On Schools
WASHINGTON D.C. – Almost a month after a gunman claimed the lives of nearly 30 people at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT, members of a pro-gun group have urged states across the nation to pass tough legislation aimed…
Plan to Introduce Head Lice in Ohio Schools Has Many Scratching Their Heads
The Ohio State Board of Education is set to vote on a new policy aimed at curbing violence in Ohio schools by introducing head lice to K-12 campuses statewide. The vote comes on the heels of a similar decision by…
Man Sued for Copyright Infringement Wins Case
Last month, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) and the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), collectively known as the Music And Film Industry Association of America (MAFIAA), filed suit against Stephen Krueger, 22 years old, for wilful infringement…
State Department Issues Travel Warning for Surface of the Earth
The State Department has issued a warning for people traveling throughout Terra Firma and surrounding bodies of water. The warning came after officials at the Bureau of Consular Affairs identified explicit dangers in the 196,939,900 square-mile area, ranging from excessive…
God Categorically Denies Telling Local Man to Shoot His Family
INDIANAPOLIS – Responding to recent allegations made by the perpetrator himself, His Lordship Almighty God categorically denied Saturday that he had convinced local man Wayne Calzone to murder his wife and two sons. God’s emphatic response comes after 32-year-old Calzone…
Biting Hand That Bailed It, AIG Forced To Drop “American” From Name
Due to the corporation American International Group even THINKING about suing the U.S. Government after getting bailed out by every taxpayer in the country the government has responded by demanding that the company drop the “American” part of their name….
Answer to Gun Control Problem; Americans Now Buying Chinese Guns
Out of the most unseemly of circumstances a solution has come to solve the problems of American gun control, the overbearing political adventures of the NRA and the high cost of ammunition and firearms in America. Red China has introduced…
Weight-Loss Program Guarantees You’ll Lose Interest in Under 2 Weeks
INDIANAPOLIS – As millions of Americans continue to return to post-holiday life, a controversial new weight-loss program – pioneered by a self-help guru in California – guarantees that dieters will lose interest in the program in just 2 weeks. Launching…
Florida Woman Makes Son Turn Down TV to “Conserve Sound”
A Jacksonville, Florida native has drawn widespread attention after asking her son to turn down his television in order to save sound. Gladys Welsh, age 83, was heard yelling to her son Timmy, age 45, to lower the volume on…