Out of the most unseemly of circumstances a solution has come to solve the problems of American gun control, the overbearing political adventures of the NRA and the high cost of ammunition and firearms in America.
Red China has introduced a whole line of guns aimed (in the non-shooting sense of the word) at the American gun consumer. The arms available, all pretty much cheap copies of already existing models, range from Derringer replicates to the ever beloved assault rifles and machine guns.
They are, not surprisingly, very much cheaper than their original counterparts.
The gun manufacturers, quickly realizing the blow this would make to their profits when hunters, home defenders and mass murders started buying the oriental knock-offs (in both senses of the word), quickly got their lackey, the National Rifle Association, to try to pressure the US government to ban them.
Read the rest of our gun debate series here:
• Florida Teachers Take the Heat, Won’t Pack It
• Pro-gun Lobby Calls for State-Level Ban On Schools
• God Categorically Denies Telling Local Man to Shoot His Family
• Answer to Gun Control Problem; Americans Now Buying Chinese Guns
• Raise Your Hands For Gun Control! Then..Drop Your Pants!
• Sensible Gun-Control Proposals Obvious, Impossible
• The Proposed 2013 Great Gun Grab…Why Sen. Dianne Feinstein is Full of It
• NRA solves gun violence problem: Bullet-proof vests for every American
• The National Rifle Association Revises Its Proposal
• NRA Finds Just the Man for Their Propaganda Ministry
The government, realizing how much they owed to the Chinese government and remembering the NRA President’s quote about them being “jack-booted government thugs”, refused to go with it.
The NRA, backed into a corner by this, quickly put together an ad assault stating how “true Patriots would only buy American guns” and displayed them on every television channel, high gloss magazine and every strategically placed bill board in the country. The majority of gun buying Americans showed their true patriotism by continuing to buy the Chinese makes.
Walmart, the supposedly most American of stores, promptly began stocking strictly Chinese makes of guns and had a record quarter year profit thereby (Walmart then declared they were still American patriots because making a profit is considered to be an All American virtue).
Unfortunately for the consumers, the guns were not exact copies of the originals in terms of their performance. Hunters had them backfire, knocking them backwards and scaring off every deer for five miles around. Snipers had them flare upon firing, blinding them and causing them have to seek another profession.
Miscalibrated barrels caused target shooters to hit the next guys target and sometimes the next guy himself. Mass murders had their gun explode, killing themselves thus short circuiting their plans to kill as many people as possible before offing themselves.
The NRA was forced to disband after the gun companies dropped them and funded a new group called Patriots For the Buying Of Only American Guns to better represent them. Many in the upper echelon in the NRA could not handle this and tried to take their own lives, but, some having also bought the cheap guns, killed those around themselves as well when the gun accidentally pumped out more than one bullet when the trigger was pulled. Others have had to take jobs at Walmart where they humiliatingly have to sell the very guns that put them out of a job.
Gun control advocates, seeing the mayhem that was ensuing, decided to keep quiet and let the drama unfurl of its own accord.
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In a side note:
Unbeknownst to the American gun buying public, the Chinese have outfitted all guns sold to America with a chip that will make the gun stop functioning on April 1st, 2015 at 1:36 AM. The Chinese invasion will begin at 6:47 AM. An April Fool indeed!