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UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly

UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly

A senior bishop claims the Church of England must shed its upper class ‘Mamon & Snobfords’ supermarket image to attract more of the ‘Grotty Grocer’ type of unemployed landless peasant worshippers away from Sunday morning breakfast TV and Scrapheap Challenge repeats – and back to God’s exalted Sabbath portals. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Society0 Comments

Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest

Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest

And now – the latest Guinness World Records:

A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the prestigious compendium yet again with a third placing by completing 100 push-ups in 60 seconds – using his penis – while viewing stimulating televised images of a belly dancer to keep him focused and phallically erect. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society, Strange People0 Comments

A Score of Things That Mean It’s Sunday

A Score of Things That Mean It’s Sunday

Last week the Sunday Shitraker magazine’s ‘Nostalgia’ feature focused on the impact of 15 years of Sunday trading by greedy, grasping commercial enterprises abusing the Sabbath by seducing and enticing the brain-dead public at large to plunge themselves even deeper into the Stygian abyss of credit card debt to buy some crap and tat they’ve seen on TV or the neighbour down the road has one of – from the ubiquitous Ikea – and they simply cannot now live without the same. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society2 Comments

GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims

GlaxoSmithKline “Not” Intimidating HPV Shot Victims

A mother who is initiating legal action against the PoxoShitSlime pharmaceutical giant – claiming her daughter was left partially paralysed after being shot up with their toxic HPV anti-cancer vaccine – has been told by local authority’s Gestapo style ‘Bully Squad’ that the teenager is to be put on the social services ‘at-risk’ register if she goes ahead and pushes her public outcry for an investigation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health3 Comments

Queen Prepares To Have Pope “Over For Tea”

Queen Prepares To Have Pope “Over For Tea”

PRAGUE, CZECH REPUBLIC — Barely had the Spray-Shine dried on his glittery new red pumps, than the newly incarnated Card. Ratziger, as Pope Benedict XVI used to be known to friends, began negotiations for a visit from the Holy See to the Queen of England and Her See. The final Is were dotted and Ts were crossed with the Pope finally agreeing to supply the Royal Tea. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Vaca Photo Ruined by Spiderman Toy Bragging

Vaca Photo Ruined by Spiderman Toy Bragging

If there’s one thing I love more than anything, it’s a “thing”. Can’t tell you what it is, but it’s probably something, and something I really, really love. What I can tell you is what I love more than that, and it’s another thing. Not just “another thing” but the other thing, which is the joy of a random toy, regardless of where it is. This article is in edification of that random, second thing. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone0 Comments

Dr. Rick Warren in Orbit with God

Dr. Rick Warren in Orbit with God

NASA Headquarters, Houston, TX –by BobZaguy Evangelical pastor Rick Warren has taken on the quest that will bring him into planetary orbit, the ultimate God-like experience. This is an attempt to orbit with the planets, hoping to replace Pluto, whose name is an alternate for Hades, the Greek god of the Underworld. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism0 Comments

Brownie Guides Now Terrorist Suspects

Brownie Guides Now Terrorist Suspects

Two Smegmadale Police Community Support Officers are under investigation after they allegedly stopped and searched a six-year-old Pakistani Muslim girl using their unconstitutional anti-terrorism powers as an excuse for harassing behaviour that stinks of racism. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, War Zone1 Comment

Bed Sharing ‘Bad for your Health’, Says Bummer Council

Bed Sharing ‘Bad for your Health’, Says Bummer Council

The results of a three year survey commissioned by the Ministry for Wasting Time & Money has concluded couples should consider sleeping apart for the good of their health (mental as well as physical) and overall emotional relationship. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

GOP Leader Tells Cancer Victim to “Beg for Charity”

GOP Leader Tells Cancer Victim to “Beg for Charity”

US House Minority Whip Eric Cantor (R-Va.) wins the award for Scumbag Politician of the Week – a widely contested prize around Congress these past few years – with both Democrats and Republics running neck and neck in the qualifying heats. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Society1 Comment

Yob Fined for Getting Cat Stoned on Ganja

Yob Fined for Getting Cat Stoned on Ganja

A teenage yob who was filmed on a mobile phone forcing a neighbour’s terrified tomcat to inhale cannabis while captive in a clear plastic laundry bag – before swinging it round his head like a Gaucho’s bolas – was slapped with an Asbo to stay away from animals for 10 years today. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Strange People0 Comments

Yob Artificial Brain Prototype Test OK

Yob Artificial Brain Prototype Test OK

A detailed functional artificial human brain will be available on the National Health Service within the next year – if we don’t all die of Sneezy Pig virus this autumn – or the effects of the toxic anti-flu vaccine – according to scientists and technicians assigned to TV’s Scrapheap Challenge research lab’s. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health0 Comments

Garbage Men: (Cost) Effective Substitute for Teachers

Garbage Men: (Cost) Effective Substitute for Teachers

Thousands of untrained staff – including night club bouncers, postmen, driving instructors and even binmen – are being used as “cheap labour” to cover for absent teachers according to a report leaked by disaffected snitches at the Ministry of Education. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Society0 Comments

Killer Biscuits Banned in EU Coffee Shops

Killer Biscuits Banned in EU Coffee Shops

The latest piece of asinine legislature to emerge from the EU’s Ministry for Wasting Time and Money in Brussels involves HSE risk assessments for every possible human function and endeavour – from brewing a cup of tea or coffee to opening a can of soup – to cleaning your teeth and gargling – to wiping one’s arse and – to – believe it or not – a risk assessment ‘danger rating’ index for eating biscuits. Continue Reading

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Posted in Health, Society1 Comment

Pensioner Crushed Under Pile of Old Tat

Pensioner Crushed Under Pile of Old Tat

The body of an elderly shopaholic was found underneath piles of cut price car boot sales tat, chrome-plated bric-a-brac and other similar cheap materialistic crap and bling items – which crushed her to death, an inquest heard today at a Smegmadale Coroner’s Court. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Palin to Cook eBay Auction $63.5K Fundraiser Dinner

Palin to Cook eBay Auction $63.5K Fundraiser Dinner

WASILLA, ALASKA — A woman defense contractor in Huntsville, Ala., won the “Dangerous” Dining with Sarah Palin eBay auction — her bid was $63,500.

Auction details only allow the winning bidder to bring three friends to the dinner. Palin’s spokeswoman said “the former Governor and former First Dude Todd are thrilled that, above all, our wounded warriors are being recognized and honored, and will receive all of the leftover stew. It is a small token of appreciation for their sacrifices on behalf of our great nation.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People1 Comment

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