Most of Local Man’s Afternoon Spent Pressing 9 for More Options

INDIANAPOLIS – Attempting to pay a past due balance on his cell phone bill Monday, Indianapolis resident Patrick Overton spent the better part of this afternoon, which could otherwise have been devoted to finally getting around to fixing that shed door or chilling with his best friend Michael, pressing 9 for more options.

In what he imagined would be nothing more than a two-minute phone conversation, the 36-year-old, who ordinarily makes his payments online, found himself making multiple calls to his phone provider WirelessPlus before he even advanced to the secondary menu options.

Seemingly going around in circles, Overton was prompted on multiple occasions to press 9, taking him to a further set of options that neither seemed to point him toward the billing department nor a live person of any kind.

“But, no, wait…” he said. “I already pressed that. Can’t you just put me through to a freaking human being? Is it really so hard?”

After finally connecting to customer service representative Shamika, who enthusiastically inquired how she could be of assistance today, Overton was kept on hold for a further 40 minutes after disputing a series of premium text messaging charges.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.