Category: Society
Supreme Court OKs Police to Collect Suspects’ DNA, Suspects Excited for Free Handjobs
WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court voted 5-4 this week to allow police to collect the DNA of person(s) suspected of “serious” crimes, exciting suspects across the country who are eager to receive their free handjobs. Despite…
Gays Arguably Wrong, Polygamy/Sex Slavery Right (comic)
If we’re going to attempt to pass legislation based on the Old Testament, why stop at homosexuality. There’s a lot of really interesting stuff in the Old Testament, let’s cling to some of those too. Sure, the rail against homosexuality…
Tea Party Warns of Threat to American Onion
TOPEKA – Members of the Kansas Tea Party are drawing considerable attention after they released a documentary warning of a threat to the “American Onion.” Director Shelley Burnell explained her film’s purpose, saying: “For generations America has existed as an…
New Bumper Stickers For Our Mass Educated Times
For years we have heard the mantra that ‘If you can read this, thank a teacher” thrown at us from bumper stickers and signs everywhere. Of course the school system will surely not broadcast so loudly their failings- the brainwash,…
How to Scam Your Local Missionaries (comic)
I get way too many missionaries at my door. It’s about every 10-14 days. Maybe it’s because I live in a largely immigrant area and they think we must all be suckers for something new. But there’s a loophole. They…
Editorial: An important message from your cat
[This week, Glossy News is pleased to introduce Tuxedo, a 23-pound spokescat who has requested to provide this op-ed piece, representing the views of household cats everywhere.] Hey, owner. This is your cat. There appears to be a little confusion…
Portland: Fluoride is the Least of Your Worries
In Portland, Oregon today, many citizens are worried about fluoride and its potential effects such that they have voted against its inclusion in their water supply four times in the last six decades. However, what Portlanders seem to be unaware…
Ever Feel Like There’s a Transcript of Your Life? (comic)
We’ve all been there. Wondering who’s listening, how long our words will remain. Well this lady gets a tad literal with it. You have to see the comic to appreciate it, and well you should. CLICK ON THE IMAGE to…
Texas Judge In Quite the Moral Quandary After Unborn Fetus Kills 3
WACO, TEXAS — The Hon. Judge Earl Baker is reportedly “in a pretty big pickle” following the conviction of an unborn fetus who was found guilty of murdering a family of three earlier this year. According to court records from…
Taliban Reveals Their Version of the Ten Commandments
It is not well known that the Islamic Religion also uses the Bible as a prophetic religious work. That means that they believe in the Ten Commandments as received by Moses from Jehovah. Unfortunately, as can be expected, the Taliban…