Category: Crime
Banks Face Fines for Murdering Delinquent Homeowners
DOVER, Delaware (GlossyNews) – Justice Department investigators confirmed today they are considering possible fines and other penalties against several of the United States’ largest financial institutions for the murders of hundreds of homeowners delinquent in their mortgage payments. The Justice…
Politicos Recovering After Freak Grizzly Attacks
SAN FRANCISCO, CA. (GN) —Glossy News Over the past several weeks, there have been reports of a number of unknown female grizzly attacks. These reports are from Utah, Washington, California, Delaware, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Georgia, New Hampshire, West Virginia and…
Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back
A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually…
Hollywood Judge Sentences Lindsay Lohan to Gas Chamber
HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — After failing several court mandated drug and alcohol tests that were part of her sentencing arrangement in a recent DUI case involving drugs, actress Lindsay Lohan has found herself once again in the celebrity spotlight while…
Jimmy Hoffa Found Inside Noah’s Ark
MOUNT ARARAT, Turkey (GlossyNews) — Amazing discoveries continue from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) was once little known in the Archaeological community, let alone the…
‘Canadian’ Quarter Leads to Terrorist Arrests at Unemployment Office
PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (GlossyNews) — Agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Department of Homeland Security, and SWAT teams from around the are descended on a local unemployment office after a random security sweep uncovered “terrorist paraphernalia” on several adults filing…
9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii
DES MOINES, Iowa – In a rather strange and disturbing case, a nine-year old boy was arrested on June 28, 2010 for stealing cigarettes from a local Wal-Mart. Although the boy is only nine years of age, he has had…
92-Year-Old Pervert Arrested After Metro Bus Grope Fest
Branson, MO. – A senior citizen bus trip from the Days End senior home in Louisville, KY to Branson, Mo, a popular tourist spot in SW Missouri, has caused some trouble for the old folks and a serious run in…
The New Uncool — Using Turn Signals
LOS ANGELES, California (GlossyNews) — Scientists have determined that an alarming and increasing number of drivers are “turn signal challenged”, that is, unable to use a turn signal when driving. This form of mental malfunction appears to be more pronounced…
Switzerland Pardons ‘Barefoot Bandit’
CARVILLE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Posted by your South America (and also Caribbean) correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez. We didn’t know, so we checked around. Nobody else knew either. And I’m talking smart people here? Geraldo Rivera, the internationally respected dean…