9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

DES MOINES, Iowa – In a rather strange and disturbing case, a nine-year old boy was arrested on June 28, 2010 for stealing cigarettes from a local Wal-Mart. Although the boy is only nine years of age, he has had an extensive history of stealing beginning at the age of three.

This latest arrest is the fifty-fourth time that Stephen Hulk or “Stealin Stevie,” as his friends and family members refer to him, has been caught shoplifting in the past six years. Counselors who have been working with the boy for the past few years believe that he has stolen more than one thousand items from stores and are looking into treatment options for Kleptomania, a condition where a person has a compulsion to steal without reason.

Stephen’s mother, Andrea Krame has a different explanation for her boy’s actions and is in the process of attempting to file suit against the video game company Nintendo. Andrea claims that her son is not a Kleptomaniac, but rather has been influenced to steal be the popular children’s game “Animal Crossing” manufactured by Nintendo.

“Stealin Stevie’s always been a weird kid, but there’s no way in hell he’s one of those Klepto freaks. I know what’s going on here and them damn video games is the cause for him stealing.” This is the response that Andrea had given when she was called to the police station to pick up her son this morning.

According to Andrea, Stephen has been playing the game “Animal Crossing” extensively for the past 6 months on a Nintendo Wii that he had stolen from a local neighbor’s house. Andrea says that Stephen discovered a “cheat code” for the game in a file on a computer that he had recently stolen. The code allows for players to enter a series of numbers which will then allow all of the collectible items in the game to be had for free.

Another quote from Andrea sheds some light on her viewpoint of the game and it’s cause for Stephen’s erratic behavior: “What the hell are they thinking teaching kids that they can get whatever they want for free? That shit ain’t right and that’s why my little angel’s been getting arrested all of the time. Nintendo is wrong and those Japs are gonna pay for my family’s suffering.” Andrea is seeking a claim of Twenty-five million dollars and thirty thousand cartons of “Kool” cigarettes from Nintendo in exchange for the turmoil that the company has caused her family.

She also believes that once she wins the settlement, she will give Stephen a few dollars to buy some necessities and this will help teach him that stealing is wrong.

When asked why Stephen brazenly stole the cigarettes from behind the checkout of the local Walmart before attempting to dash out the door his response was: “Ma was bitchin’ all day about not having no cigs and she told me to find some for her, so I found them at the store.”

Author: Sir Matthew Galazin

If anyone is willing to pay me big money for writing or acting, get in touch.