Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back

A North Dakota woman who was “torn between two lovers” said that she would appreciate the return of her body parts. Tonya Olive said from her hospital bed that she could do a lot more to please each man sexually if they each returned the arm, leg, and ear, and breast that they ripped from her body during a fight.

Juan Ortega and Marshall Henson could not be reached for comment, and blood spatter was noticed in the bed of each man’s truck.

Doctor’s say that they have a short window of opportunity to reattach the limbs before they begin to decay and it becomes impossible.

One hospital staffer did say that it was hard to be a “stand by your woman, man” if she wouldn’t “stand by her man” and kept “taking her love to town.”

A hospital representative noted that being “torn between two lovers” crimes rise every time the Mary MacGregor song is played on oldie’s radio stations. “It gets kind of gross in the E.R. sometimes, but some people just react that way to the music and each think that they deserve a share of their girlfriend. I’d hate to see what would have happened to Tiger Woods if he was torn between all of his lovers!”

Author: Cletus Broken Feather

Cletus Broken Feather is the "Redneck Injun." He's too busy cowtipping Hereford Whitefaces to take the time to write an autobiography. Cletus calls himself "The Redneck Injun" instead of the "Redneck Redskin" cuz he ain't much of a Redskin fan. He admits a likin' for the Cowboys in the NFL, even though that don't seem to be natural.

2 thoughts on “Woman “Torn Between Two Lovers” Demands Body Parts Back

  1. See, now that’s just Freakin’ funny. GOOD JOB! I recall another song from about same era, “I’ve been to Paradise, but I’ve never been to me.”

    U, oh proud Native American Cletus broken Feather?
    You have inspired me to submit three stories, ALL centered on 1970’s pop music!

    (Nope, not really. Just messing with you. Was gonna do it anyways.)

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