MOUNT ARARAT, Turkey (GlossyNews) — Amazing discoveries continue from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) was once little known in the Archaeological community, let alone the entire world. All that changed with their recent announcements of having found the Holy Grail, inside the Ark of the Covenant, inside Noah’s Ark.
It now appears that most answers to history’s unanswered questions will be found on Turkey’s Mt. Ararat. According to lead Archeologist Xi Lang, former Teamsters leader Jimmy Hoffa has been found in what’s believed to have been the marsupial section of Noah’s Ark. Dr. Lang admits the discovery was rather unexpected.
“Yeah that just weird, no doubt about it. But there he is, propped against a wall and deader than Mel Gibson’s career. All fulla bullet holes too! I think probably 45 caliber, but we gonna send Jimmy out for carbon dating and make sure.”
Responding to e-mailed questions, Dr. Xi Liang was at a loss to explain why Hoffa’s corpse would be found on Mt. Ararat. “I don’t think he killed here; most likely killed elsewhere and transported to Ark. Well that the last place anybody would look for him, right? But it him, drivers license and all checks out.”
The very recently famous evangelical Archaeologist was more forthcoming in his theories about the reportedly remarkable state of preservation noted in the Hoffa corpse. “It cold up here! Beats me why anybody wants to park a boat up here. But also, Holy stuff is all over the place, we almost tripping over it every day! Holy junk exert powerful anti-decay energy, this widely known.”
In a totally unrelated story, it was announced today the upcoming “National Treasure 3: Einstein’s lost Equation” will use elements of Noah’s Ark in the plot, and that Nicholas Cage has no shame. Nope, none at all actually.