T.V. stand up show ‘Live At The Apollo’ has picked up ‘The Worst UK TV Programme Award’ for 2017.
The show’s producer Rick Earle thanked the TV audience in his acceptance speech:
Ladies and gentleman, thank you so much for voting for us – I am truly honoured and humbled to receive such a coveted accolade.
My sincere condolences to runners up ‘Hollyoaks’ – your programme is unadulterated shit. Your actors and actresses are such a fine example of how you shouldn’t act. They make Dev from Coronation Street look like Laurence Olivier.
Well done for being nominated – ‘Murder She Wrote.’ Your programme is utter bollocks. The show’s premise that a mystery writer is a part-time homicide detective is ridiculous. So if my house is burgled do I call Enid Blyton?
I’d like to thank ‘Bargain Hunt’ for inspiring me to create a crap programme. Your format of inviting grown adults to wear blue and red t-shirts as representatives of their respective teams – as if they were school children, then force them to sell crumby items like a pair of mickey mouse slippers for twenty pound at an auction is humiliating and pathetic.
Most importantly I’d like to thank all our stand up comedians – your invaluable contribution is central to our non-success. A special mention for my closest friends on the show:
Sara Millican: as funny as a nuclear attack on a residential home with broken fire extinguishers.
Phil Jupitus: as funny as a killer bee attack in a hot air balloon.
And Marcus Brigstocke: as funny as a poisoned buffet with cutlery made from false teeth.