Posted in News In Your Briefs

Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite

New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) –A male bonding imbroglio has landed two fraternity boys in the clink for attacking a transvestite who stopped to ask them directions. According to local Transvestite, Katrina Sapphire, it went down like this: “Girl-I was jus…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite
Posted in Biz News

Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats

New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats
Posted in Society

Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America

Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America
Posted in Religionism

God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert

Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“ In an…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert
Posted in Religionism

Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure

Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure
Posted in Politics

Democrats Turn to Religion to Pray for Palin’s Demise

San Francisco, CA (GlossyNews) — “I never thought I would pray for somebody to flat-out die,“ said liberal turned Christian, Marty Hayes. “But I’ve been praying hard for this one. I can’t stand to hear Palin’s voice, it sounds like…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Democrats Turn to Religion to Pray for Palin’s Demise
Posted in News In Your Briefs

The ‘Lady Who Does That’ Suddenly Quits — Creating Office Chaos

Carla Waters, known around the office as “The Lady Who Does That,” is really not there today. Her departure has created mass confusion and outright hysteria among the customer service department of Bulger, Inc. Waters, who worked for Bulger for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The ‘Lady Who Does That’ Suddenly Quits — Creating Office Chaos
Posted in Top Stories

Phoenix Woman Totally Responsible for Mortgage Meltdown

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — After a week of hearings with representatives, CEO’s and Government officials at the helm when the world economy was brought to the brink by sneaky and deceptive criminal activity, Congress has ruled that the responsibility for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Phoenix Woman Totally Responsible for Mortgage Meltdown
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Obama White House Loosens Up — Starts Gangsta Fridays

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a knee-jerk reaction to the accusation by Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) that the Obama Presidency was a “Gangster Government,” President Obama has decided to call her bluff and issue an executive order to his staff that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama White House Loosens Up — Starts Gangsta Fridays
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The United States Supreme Court has declared that faceless corporations, now considered full citizens with all the rights of free speech and whatnot, can now openly carry their weapon of choice in public. During the hearing,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns
Posted in Human Interest

Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution

Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution
Posted in Human Interest

Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost

Daly City, CA (GlossyNews) — Karen Salvio came to San Francisco in 1994, a bright-eyed young woman fresh out of college. After she moved into her new apartment, she went out for the evening to have a few drinks. But…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost
Posted in Human Interest

World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo

FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.” Back in 2016, Afnan was found…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo
Posted in Entertainment

Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’

The Dakota, CPW, NY, NY (GlossyNews) — Rumor has it that Yoko Ono has finally admitted that yes, she may have helped break up the Fab Four. “I was young, jealous, and Asian – you do the math,“ she supposedly…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’
Posted in World News

Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans

Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th. The leader of the herd, known only as Star,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans
Posted in News In Your Briefs

White Janitor at Alabama State Home Protests Obamacare

A white janitor working in the Alabama State Home for the Mentally Infirm is furious about the new law approved by Congress to give all Americans access to health care. “We dun had enough of this danged cooned-ass President trying…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! White Janitor at Alabama State Home Protests Obamacare
Posted in News In Your Briefs

East Texas Couple Kidnaps Baby for Facebook Pictures

Last week, a childless couple in East Texas kidnapped a baby so they could post baby pictures on Facebook. The couple, envious of their friends who are constantly posting pictures of their children on Facebook, grabbed a baby from the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! East Texas Couple Kidnaps Baby for Facebook Pictures
Posted in Television

Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)

State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)
Posted in War Zone

Obama Sends Sarah Palin on Secret Mission

President Obama has promised to grant Sarah Palin her biggest wish ever-an inkling of credibility- if she can locate the most wanted man in the world, Osama bin Laden, and bring back his walking cane. The “secret” mission dubbed by Democrats as the “Bimbo in Limbo” is a way to show that President Obama is willing to work with Palin, while allowing her to do something productive besides running her mouth, although she plans to feed her fans inflammatory statements via Twitter during the entire process.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama Sends Sarah Palin on Secret Mission
Posted in Religionism

Trustafarians on Spirit Quest Disappear in Jamaican Jungle

Kingston, Jamaica (GlossyNews) — The disappearance of two Trustafarians in the jungles of Jamaica has sent a mild panic through wealthy families in the U.S., who sort of wonder where their own dreadlocked dodos might be hanging out. A few…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Trustafarians on Spirit Quest Disappear in Jamaican Jungle
Posted in Television

CBS to Air New “Sonny” and Cher Show

Carmel, CA (GlossyNews) — In a blast from the past, CBS is planning a new version of the Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour starring recently masculated Chaz Bono as “Sonny.” David Cassidy, who will also co-star on the show, says…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! CBS to Air New “Sonny” and Cher Show
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Lady” Found Still Laying There

Emily Fletcher, the lady made famous by the line, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,“ was found in her dilapidated home after a long and tortuous 20 years of numerous abandoned attempts to make it to the couch. She…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up Lady” Found Still Laying There
Posted in Biz News

Wal-Mart to Debut Hire-A-Zombie Program

Wal-Mart, leading the way in innovative ways to cut wages and benefits for American workers, has successfully created a “Hire-a-Zombie” program that is expected to dramatically change the Wal-Mart shopping experience. FIGHT THE FAKE NEWS! Share these HILARIOUS Related Posts!…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wal-Mart to Debut Hire-A-Zombie Program