RESTSTOP, Info Superhighway (GlossyNews) — A group of Facebook addiction survivors was found floating in cyberspace last night, clinging to the remnants of a past life spent ogling other people’s lives from the comfort of their home or office. The tattered and torn pride of Linda Deetle, Marvin Locke, Jennifer Pezelridge and four others, who pulled the plug on Facebook within the last week, was evident when Tawdry Soup caught up with the trio.
“I was lonely,” cried Deetle, a 47 year old widow, “I thought somehow I could reignite some vague idea of a romance I had with some folks from college or high school. But most of them changed so much I didn’t recognize them. And all that religion, it was like going to a prayer meeting every day when I turned on the computer. I always liked to have a good time with these people and this right wing bologna was creeping me out. Some of it was just mean. Then I got a friend request from a handsome looking guy I wasn’t sure I knew, and the next thing I know, my hard drive was fried.“
Marvin Locke 34, believes Facebook taps into the same pleasure center in the brain as gambling. “You roll the dice,” explained Locke, “And you wait for the comments-the reward. When it comes, great. When it doesn’t, depression sets in. Then I realized nobody gave a damn about anything I posted on there. They just wanted me to look at their shit-their kids, their fancy houses, new cars-parties I didn’t get invited to and those stupid fucking games. Ugh. I disconnected. But now, something in me wants to go back. Why, I don‘t know. It‘s the addiction thing, I‘m sure.”
Jennifer Pezelridge of Florida, 22, is pretty and vibrant. She lost her job after her boss repeatedly warned her about spending time on Facebook. “I couldn’t control myself,” explained Pezelridge. “I had collected almost 700 friends and I wanted to keep up with all of them, but I didn’t know half of them. It preyed on my insecurity. I always wanted to be popular and Facebook let me be popular. It didn’t matter what I was wearing or how much weight I gained. It took me getting fired before I figured out what a waste of time it all was.”
Tawdry Soup then asked the obvious question, “What will you all do now?” “I’m going to go see my kids in Florida,” said Deetle excitedly. “I’m going to read a good book and get in to cooking,” said Locke. “And what about you, young Jennifer?, asked Tawdry Soup. “What will you do?” “Maybe I’ll try My Space,” declared Pezelridge. “Is that one still around?” Just then she received a text on her smartphone, read it carefully, laughed out loud, and closed off the world as she furiously texted a reply.