Very Enterprising: Casket of Candy

With the economy in dire conditions entrepreneurs are looking to invest in recession proof businesses resulting in hundreds of coffin/candy shops springing up all over the country.

Often branded as the ‘place to bury a loved one and unearth a candy’, owner of the Coffin Candy Showrooms, Aaron Willis told Glossy News why his business is such a success:

“Well firstly it’s down to good management, a good team and excellent promotion. You have to get the advertising just right.”

“Everybody dies, so coffins are always needed, it is totally recession proof. And who doesn’t like candy? Boom. You have instantly doubled your profits.”

Mr Willis also said: “Often we have people coming in wanting a coffin for a loved one who has died and they leave with bags full of candy. The wonderful colours and the delicious smells are hard to resist, even to the bereaved.”

“Besides everyone feels better with a lollipop! So, the love of your life just died and left you alone with your three kids, chin up! Have a lollipop.”

“These people will just buy anything at this particular time in their lives. “What was the deceased’s favourite candy?” I’ll say to them, “Here eat it to remember him.”

Mr Willis says that eating can help people cope during times of stress and grief: “I see the mourning munching candy like a fat person at Walmart and the sorrowful sucking chocolate like fly sucking a shit.”

“Our most successful client was a man who came in for a casket for his wife, bought some candy and choked. Bam! Another casket sold.”

Mr Willis has seen his profit margin soar ever since he introduced candy to his showroom, studies have shown that during times of recession people are more likely to buy small luxuries such as candies as they can no longer afford larger things such as holidays.

“If you want my advice, candy and coffins are always going to be in demand, so why pick just one? Coffin shaped candy, candy shaped caskets, or caskets full of candy! They are all going to make you rich.”

Author: Bee

Jack of all trades, master of none.

1 thought on “Very Enterprising: Casket of Candy

Comments are closed.