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Psychic Doesn’t See Police Coming

Psychic Doesn’t See Police Coming

Police have issued a statement confirming the arrest of a crystal ball reader in California.

Known only as Mystic Mary Star Moon Shine Peters, the crystal ball reader was believed to have been arrested on charges of ‘false prediction’.

Mystic Mary is thought to have been practicing the gift of psychic powers for more then 9 years, Glossy News spoke exclusively to one of her many regular clients:

“I have been visiting Mary for three years and it has changed my life, I am no longer plagued by bad luck.” Said Cherri, 46.

“My life has been turned around, if Mystic Mary told me to avoid the color red I would know that I shouldn’t wear my red sweater, it has protected me from the evil in this world.”

Cherri continued: “She has told me things like “A strange man will come to your door” and that week a sales man sold me an insurance plan for all the light bulbs in my house, sure the premium has gone up since I have had to make a few claims.”

“I am devastated to hear she has been arrested. Mary aids every decision in my life and I have had a great three years. OK, so, I lost my job, my husband left, the goldfish got cancer, but I know when to ware my red sweater.”

The statement says that Mystic Mary is believed to have told a visiting Alaskan that she would one day be Vice President and this has not happened so has been arrested for unlawful false prediction of the future.

Mystic Mary’s lawyer said, however, “it is not my clients fault if the Alaskan woman is stupid enough to believe her.”


This post was written by

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Jack of all trades, master of none.


6 Responses to “Psychic Doesn’t See Police Coming”

  1. Mike Kelly says:

    Glad she was wrong about that Alaskan woman.

  2. Brian White says:

    Psychic Friends network (the one fronted by some washed up 60's starlet) went big-time broke in the 90s… Not Celine Dion… Dion Warwick? That sounds right… how did she NOT see it coming?

    Oh right, because there's no such thing as a psychic and anyone that believes otherwise should learn about the adage about a fool and his (her, let's be honest) money.

  3. Kilroy says:

    I see bad spelling in your future:

    “…but I know when to ware my red sweater.”

    Where does one “wear” a red sweater anyway? OK, that was a trick but still don’t diss us psychics!

  4. Bee says:

    Technically, nothing is spelt incorrectly.

  5. Kilroy says:

    If you say sew!

  6. rfreed says:

    Psychics don’t exist huh?
    Well, then I won’t tell you where that diamond is in your house that your wife lost 3 years ago.


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