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Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney

Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney

GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate.

The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions, but since declaring he is backing Romney for President, he has developed a special campaigning wizard feature, which is sure to be as appreciated as all of his other timely interjections.

The directions are as follows:

Stage 1

“It looks like you’re writing a Presidential Campaign.
Would you like help?”

· Get help with writing a Presidential Campaign
· Just type the Presidential Campaign without help

Stage 2

Campaign Format
The options on this panel will determine how far to the right you go, choose Paul Ryan and you are setting the country back years on the progress of rape, abortion, healthcare and welfare.
HINT: Chose Ryan to appease the right-wing base.

Stage 3

Challenger Info
Enter the name of the challenger (Obama) and list his name and face alongside well known terrorists and genocidal historical figures. Remember to say that life is worse than it was before he was here, even if it’s not.
HINT: Don’t worry about the 47%, they were never going to vote for you anyway, they’re lazy, don’t pay tax and they believe they are victims and that the government should pay for them.

Stage 4

Other Elements
Bring in the wife, even though you hate her and you haven’t had a real conversation for years, wheel her round like she is a less-nimble Betty White.
HINT: Say you ate your dinner on an ironing board so people think you lived the American dream and rose to riches out of the ashes of poverty.

Stage 5

Candidate Info
This is usually yourself! However, sometimes candidates focus on female Alaskan running mates. Humanize yourself, paint your hair on thick, try to talk less like a cyborg, pretend you are a human.
HINT: Get the top people to come out and support you, Crazy Clint and the ever popular moderate Donald Trump.

Stage 6

Do more with the Presidential Campaign?
· Take an ill-advised trip to Europe and make absolutely no positive impact whatsoever.
· Slip the word ‘economy’ into every sentence, even conversations about the weather. It will look like you’re a really smart person and that you sure know what you are talking about.
· You know nothing about foreign policy so just talk about Russia. Americans totally hate Russia as of my last software update.

CANCEL

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3 Responses to “Microsoft Paperclip Endorses Mitt Romney”

  1. Brian White says:

    It looks like you're trying to post a witty comment on an article… can I suggest subtle race-bating or issuing broad platitudes about "restoring America?"

  2. Mark Garrison says:

    I lost all respect for that paperclip when it could tell I was searching for places to buy a Mac and it told me to go f&*% myself.

  3. Mike Kelly says:

    Well they do have a lot in common, both of them just seem to get in the way, and neither one of them are really wanted.

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