GlossyNews.com – The Microsoft Paperclip has declared that he is a Republican and has come to the aid of Mitt Romney with an 11th hour endorsement of the pro-corporate candidate.
The Paperclip is largely known for his letter writing interventions, but since declaring he is backing Romney for President, he has developed a special campaigning wizard feature, which is sure to be as appreciated as all of his other timely interjections.
The directions are as follows:
“It looks like you’re writing a Presidential Campaign.
Would you like help?”
· Get help with writing a Presidential Campaign
· Just type the Presidential Campaign without help
The options on this panel will determine how far to the right you go, choose Paul Ryan and you are setting the country back years on the progress of rape, abortion, healthcare and welfare.
HINT: Chose Ryan to appease the right-wing base.
Enter the name of the challenger (Obama) and list his name and face alongside well known terrorists and genocidal historical figures. Remember to say that life is worse than it was before he was here, even if it’s not.
HINT: Don’t worry about the 47%, they were never going to vote for you anyway, they’re lazy, don’t pay tax and they believe they are victims and that the government should pay for them.
Bring in the wife, even though you hate her and you haven’t had a real conversation for years, wheel her round like she is a less-nimble Betty White.
HINT: Say you ate your dinner on an ironing board so people think you lived the American dream and rose to riches out of the ashes of poverty.
This is usually yourself! However, sometimes candidates focus on female Alaskan running mates. Humanize yourself, paint your hair on thick, try to talk less like a cyborg, pretend you are a human.
HINT: Get the top people to come out and support you, Crazy Clint and the ever popular moderate Donald Trump.
Do more with the Presidential Campaign?
· Take an ill-advised trip to Europe and make absolutely no positive impact whatsoever.
· Slip the word ‘economy’ into every sentence, even conversations about the weather. It will look like you’re a really smart person and that you sure know what you are talking about.
· You know nothing about foreign policy so just talk about Russia. Americans totally hate Russia as of my last software update.